Today being the Winter Solstice, I set out with the intention to photograph both the sunrise and the sunset.I’ve been starting work early these days, so I actually took my lunch hour (very) early and set out at 7:30 to catch the sunrise.The last several days have been completely overcast, so I felt so lucky that the skies were partially clear.The clouds were amazing!After work, I set out for my favorite sunset-watching spot, anticipating a crowd, it being Solstice and all.There was only one other dedicated sunset-watcher there (not just drifting by to take a selfie and then moving on).I said to this woman, “I’m so surprised there aren’t more people here for the Solstice!”She answered, “Yeah, Summer Solstice gets all the love.” Well, I love you, dear Winter Solstice. I love you with all my heart. Welcome back, dear Sun.
I nearly got up early this morning so that this post would be “Seven Mornings” – a full week. But, nah.
It struck me when looking at these photos that every day is unique. We go through life sometimes thinking it’s the same thing every day – same ol’ same ol’ – a sort of Groundhog Day vibe where we get up, go to work, come home, repeat. But no day is exactly the same as the one before it. The natural world we inhabit changes every single day. And we change too. Time travel is real, and we’re living it every single day of our lives.
Today is my birthday. I am 59 years old today. Nine years ago today I had no idea that I was soon to be diagnosed with a pretty significant case of breast cancer. Eight years ago today I was certain I’d never make it to fifty-nine. Yet here I am. And though I often find living this human life to be quite difficult, I am filled to overflowing with gratitude that I am still here.
I was thinking about the term “self care” this morning while I was on my Sunday hike. These days I walk at least 45 minutes every morning, and on Sunday morning my walk is a hike in one of the parks we are lucky to have nearby. I don’t always feel like putting my sneakers on each morning at 6 (later on the weekends), in fact about half the time I need to push back the “I don’t wanna” voice inside me. One hundred percent of the time, though, I feel wonderful during and after my walk. The “I don’t wanna” voice can also crop up at a restaurant when I have already decided earlier in the day that I would have the arugula salad with chicken but the people with me are getting pasta and meatballs, or when I am at the grocery store on a Friday after work and turn away with some effort from the margarita mixes.
I’m finding that, for me, self care is not so much the pampering of massages, mani/pedis, and bubble baths. Instead it is the hard work done every day to keep my mind and body as strong as they can be. It is clawing my way back from bad patterns and habits that never made me feel good (hello, pretzels and chocolate, I’m talking about you). Self care is telling my inner 5-year-old that a dish of chili pistachios will “ruin your dinner,” because the parent in me knows the child in me will not stop at that one “little dish” of nuts. Marcus Aurelius said, “The first rule is to keep an untroubled spirit. The second is to look things in the face and know them for what they are.” I think in order to truly take care of ourselves we need that aspect of unflinching assessment of who we are and what we really need. I know that in order to feel mentally well, I need to feel physically strong. Sweets, junky food, alcohol, being sedentary – none of these things work for me in the long run. I will have the occasional (less than once a month on average) glass of wine or margarita, but honestly they make me feel like crap the next day – even one glass so that will most likely go by the wayside as well. I am truly a work in progress and always will be, but I feel like I’m on the right track whenever I address the physical aspect of my being.
I’m including my morning walk playlist just for fun. I have Apple Music and there are many curated playlists with titles like, “Sunday Brunch”, “Family Drive”, or “Yard Work”. I found a playlist called “Feeling Happy” that has 100 songs on it and whittled it down to 15 songs that energize me when I’m walking up that hill (apologies to Kate Bush) for the 10th time. I have to say that very few of these songs are ones that I would listen to when not exercising, but they do get me going.
I had my third infusion last week for my bones – three out of six, halfway there. I’ve started taking a Vitamin K2 supplement along with my daily calcium supplement (I try to get about half of my calcium from actual food though). I’m not a big fan of supplements in general because I think they tend to overdo it – why do I need 6000% of the daily recommended allowance of some nutrient? The key should be in the name: it’s supposed to supplement not supplant the nutrients we get in our food. Vitamin K2, however, isn’t in a wide variety of foods – it can be found in egg yolks, fermented foods, cheeses, and some other animal sources. The supplement I have started taking (Amazon link here) has 83% of the daily value for K2. I feel good about that.
Chris and I have been watching “Doc Martin” these days. Neither of us had seen it before, so we’re starting with season one and working our way through the 9 seasons out there. I quickly became addicted – I just love everything about it. We’re also watching “Murder in Suburbia” – we do like a nice, gentle murder mystery, and this fits the bill. This week we also started watching a fascinating multi-part documentary called “Light and Magic.” It follows George Lucas’ Industrial Light and Magic company from its earliest days – the first two episodes cover how a team of honestly brilliant artists and cameramen (no women, alas) figured out how to create the groundbreaking special effects for the first Star Wars movie. Now, I’m not a big Star Wars fan, but I do love watching stories of incredibly talented and creative people (whether they be artists or engineers or scientists) overcoming challenges. It’s so inspiring.
It’s baby deer time and oh my goodness they are so adorable. I took the top photo this morning, standing in my driveway looking across to my neighbor’s yard. And yes, that is the sidewalk running between the two fawns. They were just hanging out while their mother foraged in the garden, sometimes munching on a mouthful of grass. They did not seem afraid of me, but did jump up and dance around a bit when a car drove by.
We have an abundance of chipmunks this year. Some might say an overabundance – I’ve found that many people view them as pests! But gosh, they are just so cute! I love watching them. For several days we also had a skunk in our back yard in the evenings, the only wildlife around here that I am actually afraid of as I’ve never been skunk sprayed and I’d like to keep it that way.
I’ve been trying to add a layer of difficulty to my morning walks by doing repeats of a bridge that goes over some unused train tracks (I wish I could do repeats of the hills in my little park at the end of the street, but at 6am that’s not an option as the park is deserted at that time of day). The timing of my walks has been perfect to catch some gorgeous sunrises.
The hummingbirds continue to be very active, but I didn’t take many photos last week. I just didn’t have the time or patience to sit around waiting for them to show up. I know they’ll only be around for another 6 or 7 weeks, though, so I’ll make some time this week.
I catch a lot of sunrises these days – with the clocks turned back my morning walks coincide perfectly with the sunrise. Sunsets are a little trickier – I have to get in my car and drive to the best sunset vista in town. I have to make sure I start work early so that I can be out in time for the sunset, which at the moment happens at about 5:00.
Do you know why some sunsets are prettier than others? Much of it has to do with clouds. A sky with no clouds at all will produce your run-of-the-mill pretty sunset. Too many clouds, or too dense, and the sunset is hidden from view. What you need are scattered, wispy clouds. There are other factors of course – humidity, prior rainfall, visibility, and wind speed – but what I look for are the clouds.
Last night, alas, there were no clouds. It was incredibly warm, however, with temperatures in the sixties and into the seventies all day. I decided mid-afternoon that I would eat my evening meal whilst watching the sunset, so after work I rushed over to our local sandwich shop and grabbed a steak-and-cheese sandwich (the photo isn’t very pretty – definitely not “Instagram worthy” – but boy, was it delicious), a bag of chips, and a Diet Pepsi and off I went.
It was a beautiful night, and I could forget for an hour or so the craziness that continues in this country.
So, I’m waiting for some test results to come back – nothing potentially earth-shattering, just yearly physical stuff, but anyone who is in this cancer survivor club knows that with any test result comes the possibility that something will be amiss. Sure, you THINK you feel great, but look at this! Your such-and-such level is way off the charts! We’ll have to investigate…
It’s always an exercise in staying calm, in not putting the cart before the horse, in not letting your imagination spiral out of control. In an example of perfect timing, there was this article in the New York Times today about dealing with uncertainty of any kind. I found both the piece itself and the comment section very affirming and consoling. It’s always nice to know you’re not alone. And even though most of you reading this are probably not cancer patients or survivors, there is plenty of uncertainty to go around these days, whether it be covid-related news, politics, social justice, the environment – you name it.
I find it helpful to think about the things that are constant, and that will remain constant no matter what. The two things that are most important to me – the love I give and receive, and the beauty of the natural world – will not change in my lifetime, no matter what my test results are or who is elected in November, or when a vaccine is available. They will always be there for me, every day, all day.
In the last couple of days I witnessed two things in nature that I haven’t seen outside of a television program. The first was a mother deer in our backyard a few mornings ago, nursing her two nearly-grown fawns. Lovely.
The second thing happened this morning. I’ve mentioned in this blog before about how I am fascinated by crows. I love how they live in groups – they remind me of this cool bird gang that you see hanging out in the neighborhood, chatting amongst themselves, calling out to their friends half-way down the block to come join the conversation.
I had heard from my sister that crows can exhibit a behavior called “mobbing.” Mobbing is when a group of animals, usually birds, coordinate to intimidate a predator – swooping, chasing, trash-talking. She once saw a group of crows mobbing a fox in her back yard that had just killed a baby turkey. This morning, as I was entering the park at the end of the street, I heard the crows caw-ing like crazy. I looked around to see where they were perched, and lo and behold they came swooping and chasing after a fox, who was carrying something small, furry, and presumably recently-dead in its jaws. The fox ran across my path, away from the crows and into the brush, to enjoy its meal in peace. The crows flew back to their perches. I walked on, a big smile on my face.
The deer and the fox and the crows don’t care about my test results. They don’t care who wins the election in November, and they don’t care what other craziness we humans think up to do to each other. The trees are turning incredible autumn colors, just as they always have every autumn of my life, just as they will continue to do after I’m long gone. These things are certain. You could argue that with the threat of global climate change these things also face uncertainty. I would agree with you. But for the moment I find great comfort in my walks in the woods, the birds in the trees, and the glory of a sunrise.
I have time for just a few words this morning, but I wanted to share with you sights that I found so nourishing this morning on my walk. Isn’t that flower an absolute beauty? The internet tells me it is a dahlia, but please chime in if that’s incorrect.
Along the way I listened to the podcast “On Being with Krista Tippett” – episode 869, “Michael McCarthy – Nature, Joy, and Human Becoming.” It was the perfect accompaniment. I now want to read McCarthy’s book “The Moth Snowstorm: Nature and Joy.” Isn’t that a great name for a book? He apparently also has a new title coming out in October called “The Consolation of Nature: Spring in the Time of Coronavirus.”
Sounds like a must read for a nature-lover like me. And maybe you?
