social distancing – Measure of Calm

Today Ohio’s governor Mike DeWine signed a “Stay at Home” order which will begin tomorrow night at 11:59pm. This is the same thing as what has been called “Shelter in Place” in other states – people must only leave their houses to take care of “essential” business, and only essential businesses can keep their doors open. The key exception is that people are allowed to get fresh air and exercise as long as they maintain social distancing.

Now, I’m a big walker. I walk every morning around 6am and when Sam is home I walk at least one more time in the evening. BCV (before coronavirus) I would see the same three people out at 6am – all of them walking their dogs. On evening walks Sam and I would run into maybe two or three other people out walking dogs or getting some fresh air. When we drove to one of the trail heads for a walk in the Cuyahoga Valley National Park, there might be half a dozen cars in the parking lot on an early spring day.

This weekend there were people everywhere! We gave up on going to one of the national park trail heads because all of the parking lots were nearly full. Now, there is plenty of space in the National Park for all of these people to maintain social distancing, but Sam and I didn’t feel like joining so large of a crowd. In our little neighborhood park there were also several more people out than usual but fewer than in the big park. On the one hand it makes me very happy to see people exercising (someone said recently that there are a lot of happy dogs out there who have never been walked so much in their lives), but it does make it tricky sometimes to keep the 6 foot distance. If we passed people on the trail, both parties clung to the opposite edges of the trail, or veered off the trail to maintain distance. This morning when I went to pick up some coffee at Open Door, a couple coming toward me from the opposite direction walked well into the street to avoid coming close to me. I was appreciative of their caution, but worried that they might escape the virus but not the front end of an approaching car.

Tonight I was reading this article in the New York Times which discussed how people can venture out for exercise safely in this time of social distancing. The article emphasized how important it is, especially during this stressful time, to reap the physical and mental benefits of fresh air and exercise, but acknowledged that going for walks in a city like New York has its challenges: “Even on the wider sidewalks of the borough’s main arteries, any attempt to avoid a near-brush with pedestrians passing the other way would require serpentine-style evasive maneuvers typically associated with soldiers dodging gunfire on the battlefield.”

I may be showing my age here, but seeing the phrase “serpentine-style evasive maneuvers” brought to mind the 1979 movie “The In-Laws.” In the movie, future in-laws Peter Falk (shady CIA-type) and Alan Arkin (mild-mannered dentist) get pulled into a wild adventure that at one point involves dodging gunfire on a South American airstrip. As they are are running toward the safety of a car, Peter Falk yells to Alan Arkin, “Serpentine! Serpentine!” and indicates that Arkin is to zig-zag across the field to avoid the gunfire.

Here’s the scene:

Watching the clip again, it makes me laugh. We don’t look quite that ridiculous trying to avoid each other out there, and I don’t want to make too light of what is in fact a deadly serious effort to save lives, but in a time when anxiety seems to be the leading emotion, what a relief to be able to release some of that anxiety in laughter.

I hope you had a good weekend! Xoxo

First of all, I want to be the first to predict that, when the big dictionary companies announce their “Word of the Year” for 2020, “social distancing” will be the clear winner. In years to come, when this pandemic is just a memory, the words “social distancing” will remain laden with connotation for all of us.

I am an introvert. When someone asks me if I’m planning to go to a certain social gathering, I’ll often ask “Will there be people there?” And I’m only half kidding. Maybe a quarter kidding.

Actually, not kidding at all.

Don’t get me wrong. I love people. I love humanity, with all of its flaws. And I love friendship and spending time with friends. As a huge fan of L.M. Montgomery’s book “Anne of Green Gables”, I have always been on the search for what Anne calls “kindred spirits.” Kindred spirits are not always easy to spot. Sometimes it’s the person you’d least expect and they reveal themselves when you least expect it. I love the C.S. Lewis quote, “Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another: “What! You too? I thought I was the only one.” One of my most treasured friendships was born at a library story time when I was sitting next to a woman whose three year old had done something outrageous. I whispered to her, “mine does that all the time,” and in that moment we bonded. I consider her a “bosom chum” even though we live far apart and don’t communicate near as much as we should.

There are many articles already written about how introverts are reacting to social distancing. This (tongue in cheek, I hope) article suggests that introverts “have been inadvertently training to fight coronavirus for years. And, even when it settles down, they’ll be ready for the next pandemic”. There are humorous memes floating about the internet on the matter that suggest that the social distancing associated with COVID-19 is an introvert’s dream.

I must admit there is a part of me that is happy I have enough food on hand that I don’t need to go to the grocery store for the next couple of weeks. The overcrowded stores associated with panic buying leave me completely drained of emotional energy. And I have to say that when I saw a photo of an almost empty Times Square the other day, a sense of calm came over me, like it might come over you when you see a photo of the ocean.

However, social distancing is not this introvert’s dream.

I will miss seeing our friend Daniel at the coffee shop each Saturday. He and his wife Joyce have become good friends of ours, and I’m glad that we recently went out to eat with them because it’s uncertain when we will be able to do that again. Daniel is in an especially vulnerable group and they just cannot risk any unnecessary contact. I will miss going to Chili’s on Saturday night and enjoying the company of our favorite bartenders, Michelle and Lisa. And I worry about how they will manage now. I worry about our local coffee shop, Open Door. It is owned and run by Deborah and staffed by the most lovely young people I have ever had the good fortune to meet. They are open for carry-out, so I will see them on a limited basis, but I worry how this social distancing will affect Deborah’s business. Today I bought a St. Patrick’s Day gift for Chris in the form of a large gift card to Open Door that he can use after this crisis is over. I got the gift card idea from an article on how to support local businesses that may be affected by social distancing.

There are some small silver linings that almost feel selfish to enjoy given the deadly nature of the dark cloud, but I believe that it’s important to my mental health to always find things to be grateful for amidst any situation. I am enjoying the at-a-distance interactions I’m having with fellow neighborhood-walkers these days. Our cheerful “hello” and “stay safe!” greetings make me feel that although we are deliberately staying at least six feet away from each other, we are in this together. When I walk each morning I usually have to be very careful about the timing and sometimes take an alternate route in order to avoid the noxious diesel exhaust of the school bus as it stops and starts through the neighborhood. All schools are canceled here now, most likely through the end of the year, and so I’m grateful for the clean air each morning. Sam is home from school now, a month and a half early, and I am grateful for the extra time we will have together. Finally, at work we have transitioned to a skeleton crew. For the time being, I only go in 2-3 days a week. I am grateful to have the extra time to spend with my family and work on things like this blog.

I saw a meme once that said “Relax. Nothing is under control.” I’m trying to relax into this temporary “new normal” – to accept what is, do what I can, and continue to look for the silver linings. Sometimes all that you can control is your attitude toward what is happening. Over the next couple of days, I will be sharing some things in my life that help me keep my attitude on the positive side.

Take care, friends. xoxo