Posted on : By : Michelle Posted in : Uncategorized

Self Care

Can you see the smiley face in the photo above?

I was thinking about the term “self care” this morning while I was on my Sunday hike. These days I walk at least 45 minutes every morning, and on Sunday morning my walk is a hike in one of the parks we are lucky to have nearby. I don’t always feel like putting my sneakers on each morning at 6 (later on the weekends), in fact about half the time I need to push back the “I don’t wanna” voice inside me. One hundred percent of the time, though, I feel wonderful during and after my walk. The “I don’t wanna” voice can also crop up at a restaurant when I have already decided earlier in the day that I would have the arugula salad with chicken but the people with me are getting pasta and meatballs, or when I am at the grocery store on a Friday after work and turn away with some effort from the margarita mixes.

I’m finding that, for me, self care is not so much the pampering of massages, mani/pedis, and bubble baths. Instead it is the hard work done every day to keep my mind and body as strong as they can be. It is clawing my way back from bad patterns and habits that never made me feel good (hello, pretzels and chocolate, I’m talking about you). Self care is telling my inner 5-year-old that a dish of chili pistachios will “ruin your dinner,” because the parent in me knows the child in me will not stop at that one “little dish” of nuts. Marcus Aurelius said, “The first rule is to keep an untroubled spirit. The second is to look things in the face and know them for what they are.” I think in order to truly take care of ourselves we need that aspect of unflinching assessment of who we are and what we really need. I know that in order to feel mentally well, I need to feel physically strong. Sweets, junky food, alcohol, being sedentary – none of these things work for me in the long run. I will have the occasional (less than once a month on average) glass of wine or margarita, but honestly they make me feel like crap the next day – even one glass so that will most likely go by the wayside as well. I am truly a work in progress and always will be, but I feel like I’m on the right track whenever I address the physical aspect of my being.

I’m including my morning walk playlist just for fun. I have Apple Music and there are many curated playlists with titles like, “Sunday Brunch”, “Family Drive”, or “Yard Work”. I found a playlist called “Feeling Happy” that has 100 songs on it and whittled it down to 15 songs that energize me when I’m walking up that hill (apologies to Kate Bush) for the 10th time. I have to say that very few of these songs are ones that I would listen to when not exercising, but they do get me going.

I had my third infusion last week for my bones – three out of six, halfway there. I’ve started taking a Vitamin K2 supplement along with my daily calcium supplement (I try to get about half of my calcium from actual food though). I’m not a big fan of supplements in general because I think they tend to overdo it – why do I need 6000% of the daily recommended allowance of some nutrient? The key should be in the name: it’s supposed to supplement not supplant the nutrients we get in our food. Vitamin K2, however, isn’t in a wide variety of foods – it can be found in egg yolks, fermented foods, cheeses, and some other animal sources. The supplement I have started taking (Amazon link here) has 83% of the daily value for K2. I feel good about that.

Chris and I have been watching “Doc Martin” these days. Neither of us had seen it before, so we’re starting with season one and working our way through the 9 seasons out there. I quickly became addicted – I just love everything about it. We’re also watching “Murder in Suburbia” – we do like a nice, gentle murder mystery, and this fits the bill. This week we also started watching a fascinating multi-part documentary called “Light and Magic.” It follows George Lucas’ Industrial Light and Magic company from its earliest days – the first two episodes cover how a team of honestly brilliant artists and cameramen (no women, alas) figured out how to create the groundbreaking special effects for the first Star Wars movie. Now, I’m not a big Star Wars fan, but I do love watching stories of incredibly talented and creative people (whether they be artists or engineers or scientists) overcoming challenges. It’s so inspiring.

I hope you all have a wonderful week!

Love,

Michelle xoxo

Posted on : By : Michelle Posted in : Uncategorized

Say Hello to my Little (and not so little) Friends

Hello, friends. I’ve noticed since starting this blog that there are stretches of time where I just cannot find my voice – I think about the prospect of writing a post and absolutely no words will come. I’ve read many writers who have given the advice that one must develop a daily writing routine, that many days not much will come, but inspiration must find you while you’re working. I’m starting to think about what I want to accomplish in 2021, and so maybe a daily writing practice – no matter what – will be a part of those goals. We’ll see.

Sam is back home for the holiday break and we are making the most of our time together. We have done crafty things, gone for long walks, watched the sunset, and have lots of other Christmas-y stuff planned. I will share some of our projects with you in my next post.

I have been enjoying watching our birds and furry creatures every day. Chris put our pumpkins out back on our grass-clippings-pile after Thanksgiving, and the deer have been very appreciative. One day we looked out and saw two deer just hanging out at the top of our yard, enjoying a shaft of sunlight that was bathing that space. They stayed for at least an hour, and I can’t tell you how calming it felt to turn from my work at my computer periodically and see them there.

I’m beginning to be able to identify some of the squirrels that scrounge for seeds under the bird feeder. One little guy with a messed-up ear has been dubbed Scrappy. He’s my favorite. I very rarely see chipmunks by the feeder, but one morning a chipmunk spent several minutes scratching around for seeds. And I saw a mole! I know that gardeners and owners of lawns in general tend to despise moles, seeing them as terrible pests. But you see, I’m a terrible gardener. And the lawns are Chris’ territory. So I’ll continue to view this little fellow with as much affection as I would Moley from The Wind in the Willows. UPDATE! After getting a better look at our burrowing friend, as well as doing some internet research, I realize that he is not a mole but is in fact a shrew! Still love him!

Today I made a decision to not keep up with the news at least until Christmas is over. It’s a self-care thing. I periodically try to step back a bit, but then I get sucked back in. Lately it’s been like a train wreck – it’s very hard to look away. But I must. And I will. If something truly important happens in the world between now and then, I’m sure someone will let me know. If I like how I feel in two weeks, I will extend the moratorium until the New Year.

Enjoy your weekend, friends!

Love,

Michelle xoxo

Posted on : By : Michelle Posted in : Uncategorized

A Wet October Day

I went on a walk around the block at lunchtime today and took these photos. The last few days have been typical late October – rainy, gloomy, chilly at times. Dark too early. My morning walk takes place in darkness now. Sigh. There’s so much beauty, though, and I’m soaking in as much as I can before the trees lose all those gorgeous leaves.

I haven’t been here for several days because I fell into a common trap for me – overworking. Ten hour days do not make for a healthy work-life balance, and I am attempting to gain that balance back again. Today I forced myself to spend only eight hours at my work computer. I actually took a lunch break. I felt more like a real person and less like a number crunching zombie. Over the next few days I hope to take more photos, write more here, and take better care of myself.

Love,

Michelle xoxo

Posted on : By : Michelle Posted in : Uncategorized

A Summer’s Day

It’s been a lovely, lazy day. Sunny, temperatures in the high 70’s and low 80’s. I have to say that given the choice between pulling the many weeds plaguing my hosta bed and reading a book while drinking a frosty glass of iced coffee under a tree…well…

xoxo

Posted on : By : Michelle Posted in : Uncategorized

Loving-Kindness

Remember your 5-year-old self? (S)he’s still in there. Treat yourself accordingly.

Last summer I was shopping for a dress for a work function. I was in the dressing room of Talbots and there was another woman in there as well, trying on dresses and working with a salesperson. This fellow shopper sounded very friendly and upbeat in her interactions with the salesperson, but when the saleswoman was gone I heard an ugly voice from her side of the dressing room: “You look ridiculous in this dress. You’re so stupid. You always look stupid…” On and on the voice went. At first I thought this pleasant lady was accompanied by an abusive friend or relative. It then dawned on me that she was talking to herself. The realization was so disturbing – I felt that this woman must be mentally ill, and I was so sad for her.  

Then I had a second realization. Those words that sounded so crazy and disturbing spoken out loud were not so very far from words I have silently thought about myself when confronted with my reflection on a bad day. Most of us do not go around berating ourselves out loud, but how many of us have looked in the mirror and thought, “Ugh!” or “I’m so fat” or “I look so OLD”? Imagine a loved one trying on a new outfit for you. Would you say any of the above to them? Why do we feel it is acceptable to talk to ourselves this way? Why does love and acceptance flow so freely from us for our loved ones, but is rationed out with Scrooge-like reluctance for ourselves?

The inner critic can be relentless and cruel. Many of our inner critics have found brand new material during this time of sheltering in place. Parents trying to home-school their children have told me they feel like total failures at it. Some people trying to help support local businesses have nevertheless felt guilty about possibly exposing someone delivering a pizza to the virus (in case they are somehow asymptomatic). Was that pizza essential? You can drive yourself mad trying to do the right thing these days, because there is so much that is uncertain and so much that is brand new for us.

I generally expect a lot of myself. Before I really started working remotely and I had a lot of extra time on my hands I made up daily schedules so that I could be productive in other ways. Drying fruit in the dehydrator, writing cards to people, getting a certain amount of writing done each day. And I’ve been hard on myself when maybe my food choices haven’t been the best, or I didn’t get through everything on the to-do list. Now that I am navigating the new world of accessing my workplace remotely, working within a narrow window of time each day because we are all sharing computers, it could be so easy to be disappointed with myself for getting behind in my work, or taking “too long” to catch on to a new process we are using.

Enough.

Let’s drown out the inner critic with a quiet, persistent gentleness for ourselves.

Put “take a nap” on your to-do list, and give yourself a smiley sticker when you’ve accomplished that goal. Are your kids healthy, well fed, reasonably happy? High fives all around. They can make their life-sized diorama of the Hadron Collider when this is all over. 

One of my favorite types of meditation is called Loving-Kindness, or Metta, meditation. I will discuss my meditation practice and the reasons why I meditate (including what science is showing about what happens to our brains when we meditate) in another post, but today I want to share with you a common mantra in Loving-Kindness meditation that I think is very appropriate for the times we find ourselves in right now: 

“May you be safe. May you be healthy. May you be happy. May you live with ease.” 

The next time you look in the mirror, treat yourself to some loving-kindness. You deserve it.

Michelle xoxo

P.S. If you’re curious about Loving-Kindness meditation, try this meditation guided by Sharon Salzberg, one of the giants in the world of meditation instruction.