If you google the words “Covid Fatigue” there are two different types of search returns. One talks about the symptom of fatigue as it relates to actually contracting the COVID-19 virus. The other type of search return involves the mental/emotional/spiritual fatigue that results from months of isolation, uncertainty, and anxiety – addressed in this article from UC Davis.
I am so fatigued, friends. Friday is usually my “Things That Make Me Happy” post, and while I do think that forcing myself to reflect on things that make me happy is a valuable exercise and that it can in itself be a mood lifter, I have to admit that I just wasn’t feeling it this week. I feel like I’ve hit heartbreak hill two miles into the marathon.
I’m working from home still, and very grateful for the safety that provides me, but I miss being out in the world as just me – the solitary ride (albeit only 6 minutes long) to and from work, the banter with colleagues, my lovely, tiny cubicle.
I miss the different environments I experienced in the old world order – popping into various shops on my way home from work, going to my sunset-viewing park, sitting in the coffee shop or at the bar of our date-night restaurant, taking my time in the fiction stacks of the library.
And, it must be said – I love my family so dearly, but there is such a thing as too much togetherness. Remember that old ad, “Calgon, take me away”? And it’s not just me – I know they feel the same way about the situation.
I completely understand the feelings that lead to people deciding, “F*&k it, I’m going to go out and have fun – let the chips fall where they may.” I get it, because most of the time these days I feel so hemmed in I just want to scream. Literally. But I’ve got damned Jiminy Cricket sitting on my shoulder reminding me that giving up ensures the virus wins. And that means people die. And that’s not acceptable.
Of course I recognize that I’m ridiculously privileged – I’m sure the person who checks me through at the grocery store would love to experience the “isolation” of working from their dining room table. I know that the person who just lost a family member to covid would give anything to be annoyed by them just one more time. And that person who has been restricted for the last 3 weeks to a hospital bed wouldn’t turn up their nose at the opportunity to walk around their neighborhood for the millionth time.
I know that I will get my second wind, and when necessary I will get my third, and fourth, wind. And so this post feels a bit whine-y and poor-me-ish. So why write it? Because I know that many of you are feeling the same way, and I want to let you know that you’re not alone. And also I want to share with you, without getting too nitty-gritty, that finding that weekly thing-that-makes-me-happy is sometimes a struggle. Sometimes it’s a way to remind myself that there are things that make me happy.
So, I’m sending out virtual hugs to you all today. Be kind to yourselves and those around you. This is hard for everyone.
Love,
Michelle xoxo