UPDATE: I am leaving the text of my original post here, but the more I read about racism in this country the more uncomfortable I am with the focus of my post on how I feel about what is going on in the US, what in fact has been going on since the first black people were brought to this country as slaves. Because the fact is that, although this blog by its very existence is about me, focusing only on how the state of our country makes me feel seems wrongheaded.
I am a white woman. I have never been followed around a store by salespeople predisposed to thinking I might steal something. The one time I was stopped by a police officer for speeding I did not fear for my life. So, my hurt at what is going on in this country is nothing next to what black Americans have gone through and are going through.
I am reading about what white people can do to help, and the thing I see most often are “educate yourself” and “listen.” So I am going to do just that. I am keeping the original content of the post below as a reminder to myself and anyone reading this that I can learn and I can be better. I am changing the title of this post from “Nourishing my Spirit” to “Ancora Imparo” because I just can’t let that original title stand.
“Ancora Imparo” is a phrase attributed to an 87-year-old Michelangelo. It means, “I am still learning.”
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The tagline of this blog is “Nourishing my mind, body, and spirit.” I have to say that my spirit has been laid low by the events of the last ten days. The country I love so much, the country I served in the Air Force and Air National Guard for nine years, is so broken that it hurts my heart.
Today we heard about a protest that was going to be held in the little downtown area of our city of 20,000 people. The idea was to stand along the main intersection during evening rush hour with signs as the cars went through our town into neighboring areas.
We walked downtown at 5:00 and stood along the road, keeping our social distance from the other protesters. I just stood there with my sign. I didn’t join in with the chants. I just stood there silently as a physical manifestation of my own beliefs. Many, many cars going by beeped their horns and indicated support with a thumbs up or some other sign.
Chris and I stayed until 6:00 and then walked home. I called my mom and then we had a birthday dinner for Chris at 7:00 with Chloe joining us via FaceTime (it being 11:00am the next day for her, she had brunch while we had dinner).
My heart still hurts, but my spirit was nourished by the belief and the hope I saw today that things can change. We can be better.
I wish you peace tonight.
Michelle xoxo