21 for 2021

One of my first posts on this blog, back in February of 2020, was my “20 for 2020” list. It was an idea I copied from one of my favorite podcasters, Gretchen Rubin. Every year Gretchen and her sister Elizabeth come up with a list of things they want to accomplish at some point in the year (more information here). They aren’t resolutions – one of the items on Elizabeth’s first lists was to “find the perfect gold necklace” – but are more along the lines of things that you feel will enhance your life in some way. For my “21 for 2021” list, I brainstormed a list of things I want to do this year that relate to my 2021 theme of “Tend.” Many of the things on my list are things I do already, just not on as regular a basis as I would like, or they are new interests/habits that I want to invest in more fully. I have some fun one-offs on the list (the Great Backyard Bird Count and the Christmas Bird Count), some items that will be a pure joy (sunsets!), and some that will require some discipline (writing daily in my gratitude journal).

I would say that I accomplished some important items on my 20 for 2020 list (“get a laptop computer”, “start blogging”, “Daily movement – at least 30 minutes”) but many of the items (“get a pedicure”, “get a massage”, “college reunion road trip with my friend Lori”, among others) fell victim to covid. This year’s goals do not assume that life will return to “normal” at some point, although hopefully we’ll have some semblance of normal before the year’s end. 

Michelle’s 21 for 2021 List

Tending to my Family and Friends

  1. Send snail mail birthday cards to everyone in my address book
  2. Celebrate minor holidays as well as major holidays by sending greetings to friends and loved ones
  3. Keep up with my nieces and nephew – birthdays, etc.
  4. Keep in touch with all close friends and family by any means available – text, Zoom, emails, snail mails – on at least a monthly basis (hopefully more often!)

Keeping Close to the Natural World

  1. Participate in the Great Backyard Bird Count February 12 – 15
  2. Participate in the Christmas Bird Count December 12, 2021 – January 5, 2022
  3. View at least one sunset per month
  4. Hike every trail in the Cuyahoga Valley National Park
  5. Join The Audubon Society – both locally and nationally; attend at least one event, even if by Zoom

Nurturing my Writing

  1. Write at least one blog post per week
  2. Write in my Gratitude Journal daily

Nurturing my Photography

  1. Seek out tutorials online and books on photography
  2. Create a “Book of Now”

Tending to my Home Environment

  1. Create a cozy corner
  2. Print, frame, and hang favorite family and travel photos

Tending to my Health

  1. Take care of my feet! Daily Aquaphor + socks, regular self-pedicures
  2. Exercise aerobically at least 30 minutes a day, 6 days a week 
  3. Stretch/practice yoga every day, even if it’s only for a few minutes 
  4. Research and come up with a specific strategy for dealing with unhealthy snacking urges

Tending to my Future

  1. Research where I want to live in retirement; think about how I want to live in retirement (joint project with Chris!)
  2. Collect photos/ideas for what features I want in our new house (see #20)

What things are you hoping to accomplish this year? Anything fun? Let me know! In six months I will let you know how I’m doing with my 21 for 2021.

Love,

Michelle xoxo

My One Word Theme for 2021: Tend

Tend (transitive verb)

a. to apply oneself to the care of: watch over 

b. to have or take charge of as a caretaker or overseer

c. cultivate, foster

d. To manage the operations of: mind

Like many households, we have a portable fire pit on our back patio. I bought it with rosy-eyed visions of spending significant amounts of time outdoors sitting around the fire at night. One problem with that fantasy – in any given 15-minute span of time spent outdoors at night, Chris can emerge with at least 15 bug bites. He attracts mosquitoes like no other person I have ever met. Scientists should really study the phenomenon.  And no, the smoke from the fire does not noticeably deter the little flying vampires. Since sitting “around” the fire all by myself isn’t much fun, the fire pit hasn’t gotten as much use as I had envisioned.

Still, Sam and his friends have spent several enjoyable evenings around the fire. I took responsibility for getting the fire started at first because, let’s face it, I’m a helicopter parent. Having never done a lot of fire-building in my past, though, I was surprised at how difficult it is. How do these things just spontaneously spring up in the wild? First you need tinder – something that very easily lights, like newspaper or thin sticks. Tinder may light quickly, but the fire doesn’t last long, so you need to add kindling – larger sticks or thin pieces of wood. Kindling doesn’t catch fire nearly as quickly as one would like, and I’ve found that the kindling needs to be replenished several times before the actual logs catch fire in a significant way. Even when the logs seem like they’re burning nicely you have to pay attention and add more logs just at the right time and in the right configuration (and of the right size) so as not to smother the fire. Fires, like gardens, need to be carefully tended in order to flourish.

When I was thinking about choosing a one word theme for 2021, I didn’t want to come up with something completely removed from my 2020 word “Create.” I still wanted my main aims to be in the creative realm and in continuing to create a life that works for me. I wanted to take the flames of my initiatives from 2020 – my blog, my photography, caring for my home, my family, my friends, my health – and keep them going, feeding them with the kindling of practice, education, and attention. I don’t want what I started to sort of fade off into nothing from lack of care and attention.

Create is such an expansive word. The sound of the word is like watching a time-lapsed video of a flower opening up. Create. The word itself has a drama about it. In comparison to such a glamorous word “tend” sounds very small and unassuming. “Tend” is the daily pulling of weeds in the garden. It’s preparing soil, watering seedlings. Not exciting, but necessary.

So “tend” is my word for 2021. Paying attention. Feeding the flames. Pulling the weeds. Day by day by day. It’s a lovely little word, really. I’m looking forward to keeping it in the forefront of my mind as I travel through 2021. In my next post, I will share the tangible, trackable, ways I will be tending to my goals.

Love,

Michelle xoxo

Looking Back on 2020’s One Word Theme: Create

At the beginning of 2020 I chose a one-word theme for my year. I had been inspired by Gretchen Rubin and her sister Elizabeth Craft in their podcast “Happier with Gretchen Rubin” (read more here), but the idea has been around for at least a decade. 

My word for 2020 was Create. I wanted to tap back into my creative side again. I missed it. As a 3rd grade teacher I was able to be creative on a daily basis, but in the job I have held since 2015 there really is no creativity involved – I deal mainly in Excel spreadsheets and keeping track of investment banking transactions these days. It is satisfying work that involves a lot of problem solving, but it doesn’t require much in the way of creativity (there is an argument to be made that problem solving does require creativity, but that is a tangent I won’t take here, as it is not the type of creativity I was craving). For several years I had been wanting to start a blog, and I guess the group I started on Facebook, Nourish and Flourish, satisfied that sharing-of-my-writing urge. In 2019, though, I quit all social media save Pinterest, so even that outlet for my creativity was closed to me.

In February of 2020 I bought a laptop specifically as a step toward my goal of starting a blog. I learned how to find a host for my blog, Chris helped me establish my domain name, I figured out the workings and vagaries of WordPress, and on February 23rd I nervously clicked the “publish” button for my first post.

Because most of my favorite blogs all have lovely photography, I decided that I needed to include photography in mine. First I just used my iPhone (and nearly all of my “walk in the woods” and sunset photos are taken with my iPhone), but then I was able to borrow a “real” camera from Sam (this one). He had needed it for a couple of courses in college, but wasn’t currently using it. From my first day using the Canon camera, I felt like a switch somewhere inside me was flipped into the “on” position. I suppose it was a bit like the feeling of falling in love at first sight. At the time we had just discovered that hummingbirds were visiting our feeder, and I was captivated not only by the birds themselves, but also by the detailed photos I was able to take with the Canon. I got my first glimpse of a hummingbird’s crazy-long tongue, caught one in the act of scratching an itch, captured the individual iridescent feathers on a male ruby-throated hummingbird. 

I was, and am, hooked. And I feel like I’m just at the tip of the iceberg of all there is to learn about taking great photos.

I also chose the theme of Create for 2020 because I wanted to focus on creating a life that worked best for me. A life that reflected my priorities – keeping in touch with family and friends, reading and learning, nourishing myself, being strong – in tangible ways, such as writing four snail mail letters or cards a month, calling my mother every day, keeping track of the books I read in my bullet journal, keeping track of my healthy habits, etc. My success in that area was mixed. I do probably send out more snail mail cards and letters than the average person, my nightly calls to my mom are made no matter where I am or what I am doing, and I have made a conscious effort to create a physical living space (especially with the advent of Covid) that feels nurturing and cozy. There are certain areas where I feel I fell down – for example, I can go several weeks making really healthy eating choices and then one event will cause me to be derailed for several weeks. I have admittedly had a disordered relationship with food for my entire adult life, so this is an area that any type of New Year’s resolution or theme alone probably isn’t going to fix, but I think being aware of the problem and never giving up on it are important steps toward healing, and a yearly focus or theme can help keep those fires burning.

Which brings me to my theme for 2021: Tend. 

Which will be a post in itself.

I hope you are enjoying your Sunday!

Love,

Michelle xoxo

Farewell, 2020. Welcome, 2021.

In early January 2020 I sent out a few New Year’s cards to friends and family. In the cards I wrote about how I wished it would be a wonderful year for them, and how I had a really good feeling about 2020. Around June of this year, one of my friends (who, in addition to all that happened in 2020, was also diagnosed with cancer) sent me a photo of the card and said, “This card makes me laugh every time I see it.” Yeah, I guess my really good feeling about 2020 was a bit off.

2020 was certainly a dumpster fire of a year for many reasons that I don’t need to list for you. I’d like to say good riddance to it, but a year in anyone’s life is a precious thing. Ever since my own personal dumpster fire of a year in 2014, I’ve been very sensitive to the fact that every day is an important day. Since starting my gratitude journal and writing 5 things for which I am grateful each day I use it (I must be completely honest and say that it’s a habit I haven’t completely integrated into my daily routine yet), I’ve realized that even the crappiest days have things that while maybe don’t redeem it, certainly enhance it.

In 2020 I got my laptop, started my blog, spent extra time with Sam, had the opportunity to work from home, nurtured hummingbirds and other birds in my back yard, started learning how to use a “real” camera, got in closer contact with my college girlfriends, enjoyed many hours of puzzle-making, learned how to check out e-books from my local library, and many other things I’m sure I’m forgetting. I really can’t say that on a personal level 2020 was a really bad year. Sure, I had to make adjustments. I couldn’t go on a trip to London that I was looking forward to. Chris and I had to give up our weekly date night trip to Chili’s. I had to wear a mask when going out. I couldn’t walk as freely in the park as I’m used to. All of that taken together was pretty tiring. But as I say to Sam quite often when he’s down about something, a day doesn’t have to be perfect to be good – and on a personal level, a year doesn’t have to be perfect to be good.

Now, saying that a year was a good year just because it was good for ME, is pretty self-centered. What about all the people who have died from Covid, or lost a loved one to Covid? What about all the people hurting so deeply because of racial injustice? Not to mention the ugly political divides made wider this year by self-serving politicians. It’s difficult, isn’t it? Balancing your own personal interests and fortunes with that of the world at large. Because there are always atrocities, tragedies, injustices. Everywhere. All the time. 2020’s defects were writ large, certainly. But we live in a world that is beautiful and horrifying, and has been since humans started running the show.

There are things that are happening that inspire hope for 2021 – the vaccines, more discussion and acknowledgment of racial inequities, a new president here in the US. We can now almost see a day in the near future when we will be able to get together safely with friends and family, when life will return to some semblance of normality.

I am going to spend the rest of today thinking about what I want to accomplish in 2021, and what I want my personal theme/word to be this year. For 2020 my word was “Create” and I feel satisfied that I did a fair job of living that theme out, with my blog and other projects. I think 2021’s word will be similar, because I feel there’s still so much more I want to do creatively.

Good-bye, 2020. Welcome, 2021, And to my friends out there – don’t worry, I won’t be jinxing 2021 by sending out any New Year’s cards this year!

Love,

Michelle xoxo

Christmas is Coming! But First, Solstice.

It has been two weeks since Sam came home and we have been busy, busy, busy.  So much walking, baking, crafting, laughing, puzzle-making, talking!

I usually do not bake much – primarily because I know I will eat most of it myself. It being Christmas time, however, I have felt free to bake my little heart out. I made this copycat Starbucks gingerbread loaf, which was wonderful – moist, not too sweet (except for the inch of cream cheese frosting and candied orange!), and nicely spiced. I have had these Swedish visiting cake bars in my Pinterest “Treats” board for ages and finally made them. They are basically a thin layer of yellow cake with a layer of sugary, meringue-y sliced almonds on top. They were a big hit with the gang here.

In the way of crafting, Sam and I made these cinnamon ornaments and these paper bag snowflakes (that I have hung on our front door – so little effort for such a big wow factor). I dried some oranges to make ornaments and garlands, and dried some pineapple, oranges, and apples to give as gifts. 

Work is getting very busy for me, so I’ve started skipping my morning walk and logging on to my computer at 7 each morning. I’ve been working 9-hour days, and hopefully that will be enough to keep my head above water during this busy season (which will last until mid-February). Sam and I have been taking a quick one lap around the block (about .9 mile) at lunchtime and at least another two miles in the evening. Our evening walks have been a lot of fun – we walk in our own neighborhood, but have also walked in other neighborhoods in town to look at Christmas lights. 

I have a suet bird feeder outside the dining room window where I work. I keep my camera handy in case there are visitors, who tend to be a different crowd than the birds who hit up the seed feeder. 

Tomorrow is the Winter Solstice, a day that is near and dear to my heart. After tomorrow the days will start getting longer again, and even though we only gain around 90 seconds to 2 minutes a day, it still makes me very, very happy.  I don’t do anything special to celebrate Solstice, but I wrap myself in the lovely, warm knowledge that although winter is just beginning, the sun will help me through.

2020’s Winter Solstice is a special one:  we will get to experience the “Great Conjunction” of Jupiter and Saturn, something that hasn’t happened to this degree in 800 years (NASA article explaining it here). Now, I must admit that I don’t usually pay very much attention to the positions of Jupiter and Saturn in the night sky, so I don’t know if I will notice anything different, but I will be out star-watching tomorrow evening if we have clear skies, if only to tell my grandchildren I witnessed “The Great Conjunction of 2020.”

This year’s Winter Solstice seems especially poignant to me. Not only will it mark the return of the light in a literal sense, but in a year that has held such darkness in the form of COVID-19, unhinged politics and conspiracy theories, it feels like we are gradually emerging into the light.

Love,

Michelle xoxo

Say Hello to my Little (and not so little) Friends

Hello, friends. I’ve noticed since starting this blog that there are stretches of time where I just cannot find my voice – I think about the prospect of writing a post and absolutely no words will come. I’ve read many writers who have given the advice that one must develop a daily writing routine, that many days not much will come, but inspiration must find you while you’re working. I’m starting to think about what I want to accomplish in 2021, and so maybe a daily writing practice – no matter what – will be a part of those goals. We’ll see.

Sam is back home for the holiday break and we are making the most of our time together. We have done crafty things, gone for long walks, watched the sunset, and have lots of other Christmas-y stuff planned. I will share some of our projects with you in my next post.

I have been enjoying watching our birds and furry creatures every day. Chris put our pumpkins out back on our grass-clippings-pile after Thanksgiving, and the deer have been very appreciative. One day we looked out and saw two deer just hanging out at the top of our yard, enjoying a shaft of sunlight that was bathing that space. They stayed for at least an hour, and I can’t tell you how calming it felt to turn from my work at my computer periodically and see them there.

I’m beginning to be able to identify some of the squirrels that scrounge for seeds under the bird feeder. One little guy with a messed-up ear has been dubbed Scrappy. He’s my favorite. I very rarely see chipmunks by the feeder, but one morning a chipmunk spent several minutes scratching around for seeds. And I saw a mole! I know that gardeners and owners of lawns in general tend to despise moles, seeing them as terrible pests. But you see, I’m a terrible gardener. And the lawns are Chris’ territory. So I’ll continue to view this little fellow with as much affection as I would Moley from The Wind in the Willows. UPDATE! After getting a better look at our burrowing friend, as well as doing some internet research, I realize that he is not a mole but is in fact a shrew! Still love him!

Today I made a decision to not keep up with the news at least until Christmas is over. It’s a self-care thing. I periodically try to step back a bit, but then I get sucked back in. Lately it’s been like a train wreck – it’s very hard to look away. But I must. And I will. If something truly important happens in the world between now and then, I’m sure someone will let me know. If I like how I feel in two weeks, I will extend the moratorium until the New Year.

Enjoy your weekend, friends!

Love,

Michelle xoxo

A Snowy Day

Well, December came in with a bang. Twelve-inches-plus of sticky snow, clinging so heavily to the trees that several large branches came down in our back yard, including one which landed on our cable and internet wires, causing them to be literally torn from our house (taking big chunks of siding with them).

But isn’t it lovely?

xoxo

A Squirrelly Thanksgiving

First Encounter
A Valiant Effort
Defeated

Happy Thanksgiving to my friends here in the United States! This is a strange sort of Thanksgiving for just about everyone I know. Smaller gatherings, no travel.

Upon graduating college I entered the Air Force and spent several Thanksgivings away from family. After leaving the Air Force, I lived in Ohio, California, Texas, Illinois, and Ohio again. Some years travel for the holidays was possible. Other years it just wasn’t. I became used to different variations on the theme of turkey, family, and friends. Every year, though, brought the opportunity to reflect on the things that made me feel thankful. And there were so many things. No matter what else was going on. Thanksgiving 2009 was my family’s first Thanksgiving after my beloved brother Robert died. It was my first Thanksgiving knowing that my first marriage had ended. Thanksgiving 2014 saw me still in cancer treatment, and my dad had just died in October. Even in the saddest and strangest circumstances, I learned there was still much for which to be thankful.

Chris returned from California on Sunday. After spending that day in three different airports and two different flights, we knew that our Thanksgiving four days later needed to be different. Sam isn’t home for the holiday either, choosing to stay alone in his apartment for two weeks after his last day of work in a busy cafe. I will pick him up on December 6 and we will have a wonderful Christmas season together.

Chris and I have been avoiding contact with each other since he came home, wearing masks whenever we are in common areas of the house, eating our meals and sleeping in separate rooms. Tomorrow he will go to get his covid test, and if his results are negative we will feel confident eating our Thanksgiving meal together Sunday evening. It’s not a 14 day quarantine, but we feel pretty comfortable with the compromise.

I look at families that have the same Thanksgiving experience year after year after year and sometimes I am envious of those unchanging traditions, in much the same way that I am sometimes envious of couples who have been married for 50+ years. There is definitely something to admire in those situations; situations that my life has not provided. But I am so grateful that my life has given me the opportunity to see that even the things that I didn’t necessarily want to happen, even the challenges and deviations from the “perfect” life that have sometimes thrown me for a loop – none of these things have taken away my deep capacity for gratitude. Indeed, I feel that they have increased that capacity.

Happy Thanksgiving! I am thankful for you.

Michelle xoxo

P.S. If you want a squirrel-resistant bird feeder like mine, here is the link.

Nature Comes to the Rescue (Again)

Two weeks ago I dropped Chris off at the airport – his first film job since covid began. He gets back tonight, and will be quarantining in a separate part of the house until he gets a covid test later in the week. Even though we will be somewhat apart after he gets home, it will be nice to have him back. His job often takes him away, but this is the first time he’s been gone while I am also working remotely. The isolation has been weird, and makes me realize just how hard this must be for people like Sam, his only actual human interaction being his work at Panera and one in-person class a week. Sam and I talk a few times a day these days, but the telephone is no substitute for actually being in the presence of another person.

I’ve leaned more heavily on the natural world during these last two weeks. Driving out to the sunset when the weather permits, going for my morning walks. I bought a new bird feeder for the back yard. It is supposedly squirrel proof, and so far (I’ve had it for 24 hours now) that appears to be true. The squirrels have given it many quizzical looks, have tentatively climbed part-way up the pole, but have not been able to figure out how to access the food. I’m taking videos of their attempts and will post them here sometime soon.

As I gain more experience taking photos, I have found that my best photos result not from any technical skill that I have (which is minimal at this point!), but from my ability to pay really good attention to what is around me. This paying attention is also a skill that I find gets better with practice. I spend many minutes just watching the trees and feeder outside my kitchen window before the birds even show up. Most of the photos I take get deleted off the memory stick immediately (if I had a nickel for every photo of a bird that ended up not actually containing a bird, I’d have a lot of nickels). The watching ends up being a type of meditative practice. I am so focused on being ready when a bird shows up that all of the usual unhelpful inner chatter that goes on in my head gets pushed aside.

The leaves have all fallen to the ground now, and I spent a couple of hours yesterday raking the last ones up and dragging them to the curb, where they will be vacuumed up by the city this week. The once lushly leafed trees look so vulnerable in their bare state. There is a red-bellied woodpecker that hangs out in my back yard, and he hammers away quite vigorously at the bark of my beloved trees, searching for insects to eat. As beautiful as he is, I sometimes find myself wishing that he would eat elsewhere. Still, I’m sure the trees will survive it. The benefit to having the trees so bare is that I can see (and photograph) the birds better now, which is such a source of pleasure.

Mary Oliver once said in a poem, “To pay attention, this is our endless and proper work.” She also said “Attention is the beginning of devotion.” The idea of paying attention runs throughout her work, and is evident in her loving and lavish descriptions of the natural world. Paying attention to nature has become so important to me, and such a source of solace for me, during this pandemic. And I’m finding that once I practice paying attention in one part of my life, it spills over into others. That, I’m learning, makes the work of gratitude (and it can sometimes be hard work) so much easier. Attention may be the beginning of devotion, but I think it is also the beginning of gratitude.

Love,

Michelle xoxo

Sunrise, Sunset

I catch a lot of sunrises these days – with the clocks turned back my morning walks coincide perfectly with the sunrise. Sunsets are a little trickier – I have to get in my car and drive to the best sunset vista in town. I have to make sure I start work early so that I can be out in time for the sunset, which at the moment happens at about 5:00.

Do you know why some sunsets are prettier than others? Much of it has to do with clouds. A sky with no clouds at all will produce your run-of-the-mill pretty sunset. Too many clouds, or too dense, and the sunset is hidden from view. What you need are scattered, wispy clouds. There are other factors of course – humidity, prior rainfall, visibility, and wind speed – but what I look for are the clouds.

Last night, alas, there were no clouds. It was incredibly warm, however, with temperatures in the sixties and into the seventies all day. I decided mid-afternoon that I would eat my evening meal whilst watching the sunset, so after work I rushed over to our local sandwich shop and grabbed a steak-and-cheese sandwich (the photo isn’t very pretty – definitely not “Instagram worthy” – but boy, was it delicious), a bag of chips, and a Diet Pepsi and off I went.

It was a beautiful night, and I could forget for an hour or so the craziness that continues in this country.

Love,

Michelle xoxo