I nearly got up early this morning so that this post would be “Seven Mornings” – a full week. But, nah.
It struck me when looking at these photos that every day is unique. We go through life sometimes thinking it’s the same thing every day – same ol’ same ol’ – a sort of Groundhog Day vibe where we get up, go to work, come home, repeat. But no day is exactly the same as the one before it. The natural world we inhabit changes every single day. And we change too. Time travel is real, and we’re living it every single day of our lives.
Today is my birthday. I am 59 years old today. Nine years ago today I had no idea that I was soon to be diagnosed with a pretty significant case of breast cancer. Eight years ago today I was certain I’d never make it to fifty-nine. Yet here I am. And though I often find living this human life to be quite difficult, I am filled to overflowing with gratitude that I am still here.
I was thinking about the term “self care” this morning while I was on my Sunday hike. These days I walk at least 45 minutes every morning, and on Sunday morning my walk is a hike in one of the parks we are lucky to have nearby. I don’t always feel like putting my sneakers on each morning at 6 (later on the weekends), in fact about half the time I need to push back the “I don’t wanna” voice inside me. One hundred percent of the time, though, I feel wonderful during and after my walk. The “I don’t wanna” voice can also crop up at a restaurant when I have already decided earlier in the day that I would have the arugula salad with chicken but the people with me are getting pasta and meatballs, or when I am at the grocery store on a Friday after work and turn away with some effort from the margarita mixes.
I’m finding that, for me, self care is not so much the pampering of massages, mani/pedis, and bubble baths. Instead it is the hard work done every day to keep my mind and body as strong as they can be. It is clawing my way back from bad patterns and habits that never made me feel good (hello, pretzels and chocolate, I’m talking about you). Self care is telling my inner 5-year-old that a dish of chili pistachios will “ruin your dinner,” because the parent in me knows the child in me will not stop at that one “little dish” of nuts. Marcus Aurelius said, “The first rule is to keep an untroubled spirit. The second is to look things in the face and know them for what they are.” I think in order to truly take care of ourselves we need that aspect of unflinching assessment of who we are and what we really need. I know that in order to feel mentally well, I need to feel physically strong. Sweets, junky food, alcohol, being sedentary – none of these things work for me in the long run. I will have the occasional (less than once a month on average) glass of wine or margarita, but honestly they make me feel like crap the next day – even one glass so that will most likely go by the wayside as well. I am truly a work in progress and always will be, but I feel like I’m on the right track whenever I address the physical aspect of my being.
I’m including my morning walk playlist just for fun. I have Apple Music and there are many curated playlists with titles like, “Sunday Brunch”, “Family Drive”, or “Yard Work”. I found a playlist called “Feeling Happy” that has 100 songs on it and whittled it down to 15 songs that energize me when I’m walking up that hill (apologies to Kate Bush) for the 10th time. I have to say that very few of these songs are ones that I would listen to when not exercising, but they do get me going.
I had my third infusion last week for my bones – three out of six, halfway there. I’ve started taking a Vitamin K2 supplement along with my daily calcium supplement (I try to get about half of my calcium from actual food though). I’m not a big fan of supplements in general because I think they tend to overdo it – why do I need 6000% of the daily recommended allowance of some nutrient? The key should be in the name: it’s supposed to supplement not supplant the nutrients we get in our food. Vitamin K2, however, isn’t in a wide variety of foods – it can be found in egg yolks, fermented foods, cheeses, and some other animal sources. The supplement I have started taking (Amazon link here) has 83% of the daily value for K2. I feel good about that.
Chris and I have been watching “Doc Martin” these days. Neither of us had seen it before, so we’re starting with season one and working our way through the 9 seasons out there. I quickly became addicted – I just love everything about it. We’re also watching “Murder in Suburbia” – we do like a nice, gentle murder mystery, and this fits the bill. This week we also started watching a fascinating multi-part documentary called “Light and Magic.” It follows George Lucas’ Industrial Light and Magic company from its earliest days – the first two episodes cover how a team of honestly brilliant artists and cameramen (no women, alas) figured out how to create the groundbreaking special effects for the first Star Wars movie. Now, I’m not a big Star Wars fan, but I do love watching stories of incredibly talented and creative people (whether they be artists or engineers or scientists) overcoming challenges. It’s so inspiring.
Hello there, friends. Tomorrow is August 1st. Children in Ohio go back to school in August and I’ve been told Halloween candy can now be found on grocery store shelves. Yikes! I don’t have much to say this week but wanted to post some hummingbird photos. My latest plan is to try to put a blog post up once a week whether I have much to say or not. So there! 🙂 I hope you have had a lovely weekend and have something fun planned for the coming week.
It’s baby deer time and oh my goodness they are so adorable. I took the top photo this morning, standing in my driveway looking across to my neighbor’s yard. And yes, that is the sidewalk running between the two fawns. They were just hanging out while their mother foraged in the garden, sometimes munching on a mouthful of grass. They did not seem afraid of me, but did jump up and dance around a bit when a car drove by.
We have an abundance of chipmunks this year. Some might say an overabundance – I’ve found that many people view them as pests! But gosh, they are just so cute! I love watching them. For several days we also had a skunk in our back yard in the evenings, the only wildlife around here that I am actually afraid of as I’ve never been skunk sprayed and I’d like to keep it that way.
I’ve been trying to add a layer of difficulty to my morning walks by doing repeats of a bridge that goes over some unused train tracks (I wish I could do repeats of the hills in my little park at the end of the street, but at 6am that’s not an option as the park is deserted at that time of day). The timing of my walks has been perfect to catch some gorgeous sunrises.
The hummingbirds continue to be very active, but I didn’t take many photos last week. I just didn’t have the time or patience to sit around waiting for them to show up. I know they’ll only be around for another 6 or 7 weeks, though, so I’ll make some time this week.
Hello friends! It’s still technically Sunday morning as I write this, but it feels like this morning has stretched out loooooong for me, in the very best way. Woke up before my 8:00am alarm, headed immediately out to hike my favorite park (thunder showers predicted for the afternoon), a leisurely breakfast after, reading some of my new book, a couple coffees. I missed catching my daisies at their peak beauty, darn it, but I wanted to document them here anyway.
What have I been up to? I just finished a book that I loved. It is called “Still Life” and was written by Sarah Winman (Goodreads description here). I had accidentally happened upon the book as I thought I might reread the Inspector Gamache series by Louise Penny, and the first book in the Gamache series is called “Still Life.” I’m still reading all of my books on my iPad, checked out from our metro library system. I find it so very convenient being able to check a book out from the library at 10pm on a Sunday if I have a mind to, and never having a book go overdue (the checkout simply expires when the time is up). I also love the ease of getting my name on a waiting list for a book and being notified by email when it becomes available, then just opening up the app to download. No human interaction required! Which could be part of the problem in our world today…Currently I’m reading a book called “This Time Tomorrow” by Emma Straub. It involves time travel which I’m usually into 100% but I actually preferred the trajectory of the story before the time travel element was introduced. We’ll see.
My latest little mini-hobby is making freeze pops and I’m having a blast! I’m sure there must have a been a version of them in your childhood no matter where you grew up – like a popsicle (ice lolly for you Brits) but in a plastic tube. I bought a package of 200 empty zip-lock tubes from Amazon and I’ve been experimenting with flavors ever since. So far I’ve made watermelon/strawberry, watermelon/cherry, tangerine/coconut milk, and pineapple/coconut milk. I use fresh and frozen fruit only – adding only a packet of stevia to the ones I think need an extra boost of sweetness. I blast the ingredients in my nutribullet and use a funnel to fill the tubes. If you feel so inclined, hereis the link for the tubes I bought. They are of good quality and the zip-lock works easily with no leakage. The funnel that is included is a bit fiddly, however, and I use my own.
Work is good – we’ve officially gone to a hybrid arrangement where people can choose to work up to three days a week from home. I’ve decided for the moment to work only one day a week from home. I like the office. I like having a clear delineation between my work environment and my home environment. But I also like to wear whatever I want one day a week and drink coffee from my own coffee maker. 🙂
I love the saying that to be happy one must have someone to love, something to do, and something to look forward to. I have so many people that I love. I am just bursting with love for all the dear people in my life. I have plenty to do – my job, my photography, reading, enjoying nature. And I have some lovely things to look forward to. At the end of next month I fly to Connecticut to spend time with family; in September I fly to Providence for a long weekend with my bff Beth (during which we will walk a lot, eat yummy food and celebrate/reflect upon our 50 years of friendship – that will be a blog post all of its own!); in October there will be a wedding and other adventures in London with Chris; and in the first part of 2023 there will be a two-week trip to New Zealand where my step-daughter Chloe and I will cause all sorts of trouble.
I had originally included a paragraph here about my anxiety and how I’m dealing with it (pretty well, with the help of Zoloft and lots of exercise in nature) – I think I included it to push against the “shiny, happy people” aspect of social media or other online presences. I don’t ever want to suggest that I live the perfect life or am perfectly happy (hashtag “I love my life!”) – I feel like that aspect of social media is completely toxic, and I don’t ever want to be a part of it. I don’t want anyone to ever look at my life portrayed here and feel that their life is lacking in comparison, because I myself did that so much when I participated in Facebook and Instagram. I think, though, that if you’ve been reading this blog for a while you realize that I have stuff to deal with just like you. I am an incredibly privileged person compared with much of the world and my “stuff” is decidedly of the first world variety but when it’s your own stuff it looms large. But deal with it I do, and amidst dealing with it I also like to share with you lovely people some of the beauty that I find around me.
As I said in my previous post, most of my photos of hummingbirds are immediately deleted. Every now and then, however, I get lucky. I think this is an immature male (in the third photo from the top you can see a pattern of gray feathers on the gorget (throat) which will turn red during his first winter (fun fact: average lifespan of a hummingbird is 5 years). I just love how different he looks when he ruffles his feathers.
I’m doing well. Listening to music, reading, safely soaking up a little sun each day, reveling in the ease of summer. We bought a “smart scale” last week which is motivating me to hit the gym again after a month or so away. Our wall of daisies is almost at its peak (next post). I visit Sam and Pokey about once a week in their new digs. I’ve worked from home for the past two weeks as there has been major construction where I work. Next week I go back in, and I have mixed feelings about that. Mostly I’m looking forward to going back. I like having a clear demarcation of “work” and “home.” I like to leave work at the end of the day and not have any reminders of it until I clock in the next morning. Still, there’s just something about the comfort of home that is hard to leave each day.
Hello, friends! When I first started photographing the hummingbirds in our back yard, I was in awe of what sorts of shots my camera could capture: “Look, its little tongue is sticking out!” “Omg, I caught it in mid-flight!” As time has gone on, I am now accustomed to the marvels of my camera and I have become increasingly critical of and frustrated by my ability as a (admittedly novice) photographer. I take literally hundreds of photos to find a half dozen that (barely) pass muster. I know that “real” photographers also take many shots that never get shared, which I find heartening. And I’m not so frustrated that I feel like giving up any time soon – I’m more determined than ever to become more skilled at this. All this to say, I agonized over which shots to share with you, and some of these don’t really pass my new standards of perfect focus and clarity, but I’m sharing them as a snapshot (ha!) of where I am today with my skills and to share with you my love of these gorgeous creatures. They really do bring me so much joy. I hope these photos bring a smile to your face today.
I was in Rhode Island last week, helping my oldest sister clear out my mother’s home (my childhood home) to get it ready for sale. It was a lot of work but so much fun spending time with my sister. We kind of camped out together in the house for a long weekend and rented a very large (although apparently the smallest one offered by this company!) dumpster. There were many opportunities to problem solve and use whatever geometry we learned in school many years ago (as in, how the heck are we going to get this thing out that door). I came very close to having something incredibly heavy remove the top of my finger! I am happy to report that there were no injuries, but I think we both now need a very long, deep muscle massage. Ooof.
One morning we decided to walk down to the water to watch the sunrise. Now, on the east coast of the United States the sun rises quite early in the morning at the beginning of June! We set our alarms for 4:45am and walked down to the bay on a gorgeous, clear morning. After the sun rose we walked to the nearest coffee shop only to realize it was still far too early for any of the local cafes and coffee shops to be open! Back to work we went. 🙂
My next post will be about “my” hummingbirds, I promise!
I’m very lucky that I live less than 10 miles from the Cuyahoga Valley National Park. It’s a sprawling 32,572-acre park that follows the Cuyahoga River from Cleveland to Akron. I really do count my lucky stars that we live so close to such a beautiful area. My sunset-watching park is within the larger national park, along with so many hiking and biking trails, picnic areas, and points of interest.
Within the park is the Bath Road Heronry (learn more about ithere). It consists of two enormous trees among whose branches great blue herons build their nests every year. The website linked above describes it as a nesting colony, and I can’t even estimate how many nests are in the trees, but I’ll try — 30? Maybe more? Right now the fledglings are pretty big and I’m sure will be leaving their nests soon.
I’ve visited the heronry about half a dozen times over the last couple of weeks, trying to take some photos to share with you. It’s been a bit frustrating because my current zoom lens just isn’t powerful enough to take really great photos of things so far away, but at least I can give you an idea of what it looks like there. So many of these huge birds! You can imagine the racket made by all the young great blue herons chirping for their mothers – it’s fabulous.
I’m emerging from my funk and actually feel like I might have something to say to you all. I recently read such a lovely book by the British author Matt Haig. It’s called “The Comfort Book” and it is a loosely organized collection of little essays, inspirational quotes, lists, and even a recipe or two. To give you a little feel for the book, here is what is written on page 46. It is titled “Toast” and says “Continually looking for the meaning of life is like looking for the meaning of toast. It is sometimes better just to eat the toast.” Matt Haig suffered from severe suicidal depression as a young adult, and he speaks on the subject of bad times and difficult feelings so eloquently. I absolutely love this book and have already bought two copies to give to loved ones. If you have someone in your life just starting out on the path of adulthood, I highly recommend it as a graduation gift or a “just because” gift. I wish I had read something like this when I was in my early twenties, but I must admit that at my age of almost-59 I am still learning how to navigate this human experience and got great comfort from the book. It is perfectly named.
I have been taking lots of photos of our hummingbirds and will post some here very soon! Wildlife photography really is mostly just a lot of waiting around — I knew this already from previous summers photographing our hummers, but it really hit home to me on my several hit-or-miss visits to the heronry. The key is to do something during the waiting other than mentally reviewing your to-do list, or your to-worry-about list. At the heronry there are a lot of other things to look at – groups of goldfinches zooming around, red-winged blackbirds perching on dead tree branches, lots of fascinating but too-difficult-to-photograph heron activity – but when I’m sitting in a chair in my dining room or kitchen looking out the window waiting for a hummingbird to show up I really have to work hard to be mindful. It’s good practice, though!
I’m taking a break from all news during this long holiday weekend. This past week was just too brutal and the more I read the news the more frustrated/angry/depressed I got. Because I don’t see my country ever changing on this issue. And that breaks my heart. But, as Matt Haig says in The Comfort Book, “Nothing is stronger than a small hope that doesn’t give up.” So, I will keep that small hope in my heart. And I won’t give up.
I hope you are doing well and are having a lovely weekend.
