Posted on : By : Michelle Posted in : Uncategorized

“I Will Be A Hummingbird” and Other Thoughts

I’m sorry I’ve been gone from these pages for the last two weeks. I lost my momentum, you see, and it’s so hard to gain momentum back once it’s been lost. 

I love the video at the start of this post. I ran across it years ago when I was doing graduate work toward becoming a reading specialist. I had to create a learning module on environmentalism, found this video, and have been in love with it ever since. It just occurred to me right now that it fits perfectly with my post today on the Japanese concept of Ikigai. Well, not the concept itself, but what it has come to mean to me in my life. You’ll see by the time you reach the end of the post. Don’t worry, it’s not too long.

I first became aware of Ikigai two or three years ago when it was trending on the internet and in bookstores. It seems that every year or so a new one-word lifestyle concept that promises to change our lives gains a lot of interest, inspires countless Pinterest posts and a couple small-scale books, and then fades back away. Think “hygge” from Denmark, or to a lesser extent “Lagom” from Sweden. 

What Ikigai loosely translates to is having a purpose for your life – an overarching reason for why you get up in the morning. Something that makes your life meaningful and drives your efforts each day. When Ikigai first became known in a widespread way I latched on to it. At the time I had grown beyond my post-cancer “what if it comes back?” anxiety and was in a more reflective frame of mind. I began realizing that I would either die relatively young or not-so-young, but the timing was really out of my control and so not worth thinking about. What I wanted to concentrate on was living a life that mattered – creating some sort of a legacy. What did I want people to remember when they remembered who Michelle was? This became important to me, and Ikigai fit right into this mindset. 

Many people outside of Japan are interested in Ikigai because there seems to be some correlation between the practice of Ikigai in certain communities in Japan and the longevity of the people in those communities. In fact, some reviews of the books on Ikigai I’ve seen emphasize that goal: “Fall’s biggest imported lifestyle trend is ikigai, and it just might help you live to 100”; other reviews emphasized the other pressing desire of just about all of us – living happier, more fulfilling lives. I really didn’t turn to ikigai for either of those reasons. Instead, Ikigai seemed to me to be a way to approach life in a way that prioritized creating my legacy. 

And what would that legacy be? After thinking for a while, I decided that I wanted to be known for my love for others. I decided that my ikigai would be to manifest love in every aspect of my life. I took a piece of paper and wrote “manifest love” in the middle and circled it, and then drew several lines radiating outward to the edges of the page, like the spokes of a wheel or rays of sunshine. On each line I wrote an aspect of my life or a specific person in my life – Sam, Chris, Chloe, Family, Skyler (he was still with us at the time), Friends, Community, Workplace, World. Then I brainstormed specific things I could do to show love in a concrete way to each person and in each situation. I still refer to my ikigai chart and I think that this weekend I will update it to reflect my current situation (Skyler gone, working from home, etc). The goal, however, will stay the same. 

The world is a crazy place right now. Let’s face it, the world has always been a crazy place, for as long as humans have run the show, but it feels especially crazy these days. And it feels especially out of our control right now, like a runaway train threatening to jump the tracks at every turn. Your response to this could be anger or despair (and believe me, I’ve seesawed between both of those feelings, especially in the last 24 hours). I’m choosing to go back to what I can control – myself, my attitude, my actions. I’m reacquainting myself with what I can do to project love into the world. 

I choose to be the hummingbird.

Love, 

Michelle xoxo

P.S. The hummingbirds that gave us so much joy this summer are currently traveling to warmer climes. I look forward to seeing them again next Spring.

See? Even hummingbirds get their feathers ruffled sometimes. Until next year, little friend!
Posted on : By : Michelle Posted in : Uncategorized

The Birds and the Bees

Hello there, friends! I am happy to report that I am healing nicely after last week’s wipe out. My mouth is almost back to normal – lets put it this way, if you saw me without my mask you wouldn’t cringe (I hope). I can now walk on my knee without any pain or need of support. I am taking it very slowly, though. No big walks around the neighborhood for a while yet.

This week I spent a lot of time watching our little hummingbird friends. Unfortunately, we have also had a constant stream of bees and wasps at the feeders. I remember that when I was a teacher this was my least favorite time of year to have outdoor recess duty. The bees do get a bit aggressive at this time of year, which I’ve read is due to a perfect storm of the population being at its peak in late summer, natural food sources running low, and preparing the hive for the winter. The hummingbirds are wary of the bees/wasps – they seem to prefer not feeding at the same time, and tend to fly away if a bee approaches the feeder while they are feeding. However, sometimes a bird’s got to do what a bird’s got to do, and they will put up with the insects in order to get their sugar fix.

Soon the hummingbirds will be migrating south again. Having never experienced this before I don’t know exactly when this will happen, but I’ve read that in late August/early September they will eat even more often to put on some weight for the journey (fun fact – hummingbirds don’t just eat nectar; their diet also consists of small insects like mosquitoes and aphids). Some articles I’ve read have described a sort of feeding frenzy, with many more visits to the feeder, as the migration date nears. So far our hummingbirds don’t like to share the multi-port feeder – if one approaches the feeder, the other zooms off. I wonder if that will change when they start feeding more.

I couldn’t narrow my photos down any further – I am just so fascinated with the different markings of all the birds who visit the feeders. If my photos look like we have very few males – well, we have very few adult males. The juvenile males look like the females (no red throat) until their first winter. However, females have nearly all-white throats and the juvenile males have more gray markings on their throats, so I can sort of guess which ones are which.

This weekend will be low key. No bike rides (ha!) and no walks outside yet. I am re-reading an old favorite book, The Shell Seekers by Rosamunde Pilcher. It’s a very cozy read, perfect for the rainy weather we’re having just now. I’ll spend most of the weekend reading, writing some letters, and keeping an eye on our little hummingbird friends.

Have a wonderful weekend!

Love,

Michelle xoxo

Posted on : By : Michelle Posted in : Uncategorized

A Funny Thing Happened on the Way

Yep, that’s me. I had so many plans for this weekend, but the first of them was a bike ride on Saturday morning. I found out that a major bike + hike trail was not very far from my house – about 2 miles or so through some adjacent neighborhoods – and Saturday morning I was going on an adventure to find the trail and ride on it a while. Fun!

Long story short, a bee got inside my bike helmet, I stopped too quickly in my excitement to get it out, and I was flipped over my handlebars. I am very lucky – my upper lip is swollen and torn up a bit but I didn’t break or lose any teeth. My right knee suffered some soft tissue damage, but X-rays showed no broken bones. It’s very painful, though, and I won’t be walking around the neighborhood or riding my bike for a little while.

All my weekend plans, gone with the buzzing of a bee.

It’s funny how life can turn on a dime like that – one minute you’re traveling happily down the road (literally or figuratively) with all sorts of expectations and plans, and the next minute everything’s changed. My tendency this weekend was to feel a bit sorry for myself, but then I realized that in the scale of human suffering, this was about a level 0.2. I think of people in California whose homes were in the path of the fires out there – one day they have a house and material possessions, the next they don’t. Or the people who are still dying at too high a rate of the coronavirus. And their families.

I think that of all the bad things that could have happened to me this weekend, I’ll take the bee. Pretty soon my lip will be healed and my knee will be working normally. Nothing has been taken from me permanently. And maybe something was given to me – a reminder that nothing that is working normally should ever be taken for granted – my knees, my mouth, my heart, my marriage, my source of income, my friendships. Everything in life can be, and will be, taken away from us eventually. Each normal, everyday moment is cause for gratitude.

I hope you lovely people had a perfectly uneventful weekend!

Love,

Michelle xoxo

Posted on : By : Michelle Posted in : Uncategorized

525,600 Minutes

The song Seasons of Love, from the Broadway musical Rent, always makes me cry. It’s a good kind of cry – the kind where your heart is both torn apart and made stronger in the same moment. It has also always struck me as a perfect song for celebrating birthdays. The lyrics are, in part:

Five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred minutes
Five hundred twenty-five thousand moments so dear
Five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred minutes
How do you measure, measure a year?

In daylights, in sunsets
In midnights, in cups of coffee
In inches, in miles, in laughter, in strife
In five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred minutes
How do you measure, a year in the life?

How about love?

Today is my birthday, and last night I watched about a dozen different versions of the song on YouTube – the original Broadway cast on the Rosie O’Donnell show, the cast of the movie on the Ellen show, and on and on. I knew I wanted to post a version of the song on my birthday. I chose the performance above, which gathers together past and (then) present members of the cast on the event of the last Broadway performance of the show, because it seemed to perfectly combine the joy and poignancy of the song.

The past year of my life has been filled with cups of tea and coffee, laughter, tears, hugs, kisses, a pandemic, hummingbirds, sunsets and sunrises, walks, work, music, dreams, misunderstandings and reconciliations. But the golden thread that is woven throughout is Love. Yes, with a capital L.

Love is everything.

Thank you for being a part of the past 525,600 minutes of my life. Here’s to several million more.

xoxo

Posted on : By : Michelle Posted in : Uncategorized

How To Break Up With Facebook

I wrote a post back in March on my reasons for quitting Facebook. Today I will give you some practical tips in case you ever feel like quitting, in the form of a Q & A. I won’t be boring and tell you why you should ditch that Zuckerberg guy. I just want to provide you, all in one place, with the information I had to dig around to get. Just in case. 

“I want to quit, but I don’t want to lose all of my pictures and posts, and things (birthday greetings!) people have posted on my page over the years. Is there any way to quit AND keep these memories?”

Funny you should ask that – there is! You can download your entire Facebook presence – all of your photos, posts, etc. Here’s how to do it:

In the upper right hand corner of the Facebook screen  is a “down arrow” icon. When you hover over it, it says “Account”. In the drop-down menu, click on “Settings and Privacy” then pick “Settings.”

On the left hand side of the page, under the heading of “Settings,” you will find “Your Facebook Information.” Click on this. Then find “Download Your Information” and click on that. 

The page that comes up next is self explanatory. You can choose what you want to download: posts; photos and videos; comments you’ve posted on your own posts and on other people’s posts or in groups you belong to; all of your likes and reactions; a list of your Facebook friends; all of your Messenger messages; and on and on. You can download all of your information since you first joined Facebook, or select a date range. You can download in either HTML or JSON format. 

“I love that Facebook helps me remember everyone’s birthdays – I’ll miss wishing my friends a happy birthday!”

When I decided to quit Facebook, I bought myself an old fashioned address book, the kind with generic calendar pages in the back. Then I did two things: I contacted friends on Facebook and asked them to exchange contact information with me, including snail mail address, and I went to the “Events” tab on the left side of the page when on the home page and clicked on “Birthdays.” This will show you the birthdays of every Facebook friend you have (the ones who share that information with Facebook, that is). I copied all of those down into my calendar. Of course I’m sure you can store all of this information on one of your electronic devices, but I loved the symbolic act of using a more “analog” method of storing my friend information. 

If you think your friend is happy when you post a cute picture and “Happy Birthday” on their Facebook page, imagine how happy they will be when they get an actual birthday card from you in the mail!

“I keep in touch with all my friends and family through Facebook Messenger – I don’t want to lose that convenience!”

I felt the same way. Messenger just seemed like such an easy way for people to get in touch with me. It was for this reason that I deactivated my Facebook account and did not actually delete it for several months. If you just deactivate, Facebook still thinks of you as a user (Freudian slip?) and lets you continue to use the associated Messenger account. 

What I found out after many months was that there were really only about 8 people who sought me out on Facebook Messenger, and I was related to 5 of them. I also found that of the many people I exchanged contact information with, only a small handful had contacted me outside of the Facebook world. That made it easier for me to move to deletion. Now my primary method of quick communication is texting (or email, especially with friends who live in a different country, since I don’t have international calling on my cell plan), and I really don’t miss Messenger.

If you do any research, you will find that you can technically have a Messenger account without belonging to Facebook at all. The problem is that you will have to build up your contact list from scratch, and in order to add someone as a contact they have to have their telephone number associated with their own Messenger account. Seems like a lot of trouble when it’s just as easy to email or text them. 

“What’s the difference between deactivating and deleting?”

To the people you’ve left behind in Facebook Land, deactivating and deleting your account looks the same. Quite simply, your presence ceases to exist. They can’t search for you, all of your comments on posts disappear, etc. They can, however, still send you a Messenger message, as noted above, if you deactivate vs. delete.

If you have merely deactivated, all of these things will return, unscathed, upon your return. How do you return? Simply log in again. 

If you have deleted your account, after 30 days there is no returning to your old account. It is literally deleted. 

Where do I find the “deactivate” and “delete” options in Facebook?

Go to Account > Settings and Privacy > Settings > Your Facebook Information > Deactivation and Deletion

You will be given the choice to click on “Deactivate Account” or “Permanently Delete Account.” It’s pretty much self explanatory after that. They try to get you to stay by forcing you to choose a reason for leaving and then telling you that you really don’t have to leave, you can just stop getting notifications, etc. You really have to be quite firm with them. 🙂

“If I decide to delete, is it instantaneous?”

Deleting is not instantaneous. Facebook gives you 30 days to change your mind before completely deleting your account. Within those 30 days, if you change your mind, all you have to do is log back in and the process is stopped. 

“I’m afraid I’ll regret deleting a few months down the line”

Just because you’ve deleted your account doesn’t mean they never let you back in. If you really miss Facebook and want back, you can always create a new account and start collecting friends again.

“I have a few non-friend accounts (like my favorite author) that I will really miss if I delete my Facebook”

I get it – I have a woman whose fashion page I loved. The good news is that Facebook business accounts (like, say, Beyonce’s non-personal account) can be viewed simply by googling that person’s name and Facebook. A pop-up will tell you you really should log in or join Facebook to see the rest of the account, but you can actually see everything you need to see: their posts, any comments on those posts, videos, etc. 

“Gosh – thanks a lot for all of the helpful tips, Michelle. One last thing – I think my friends might feel hurt or rejected if I leave the Facebook party. Any tips there?“

Yes. Simply look them right in the eye and gently say, “It’s not you, it’s me.”

xoxo

Posted on : By : Michelle Posted in : Uncategorized

Things That Make Me Happy #19

The magazine in the photo above, the August 1980 issue of Seventeen magazine, is currently winging its way to me – an early birthday present to myself that will most likely arrive late. If I could have found them, I would have also treated myself to the August ’77, ’78, and ’79 issues. Does this seem odd to you? Maybe it is, but I am so nostalgic for the early fashion guidance Seventeen gave me. I remember looking at issues of the magazine in our local library when I was no older than 12, thinking “I can’t wait to be seventeen years old!” It seemed so far in the future at the time.

When I was fourteen, I started buying my own issues of the magazine, and in early July I would start to eagerly anticipate the release of the August issue. The theme of the August issue was, of course, back to school, and the issue itself was 2-3 times thicker than a normal issue. Of course the bulk of that was extra advertisements, but I didn’t care – I loved the ads as much as the articles. I still remember the joy I felt when the August issue was finally at our local pharmacy.

There is currently a trend among adherents to a fashion sensibility called “slow fashion” to create and dress within the limits of a “capsule wardrobe.” The idea is to own fewer, higher quality, sustainably-sourced items of clothing. What you do buy, however, must work with everything else in your wardrobe, giving you many outfit options within the capsule. As trendy as the capsule wardrobe is, it is certainly nothing new. When I discussed the concept with my mother, she informed me that she created her own “capsule wardrobe” back in 1946 as a high school student who wanted to look as good as she could within a nearly non-existent budget. She tells me with humor and a certain amount of pride that a classmate told her that she was going to vote for her as “best dressed.” “If only she knew how few clothes I owned!” That’s the power of a capsule wardrobe – everything is chosen with care, and so every outfit looks not so much thrown together as curated.

Seventeen’s back-to-school issue always had a feature fashion spread that celebrated the concept of the capsule wardrobe (although they didn’t refer to it as such). I remember one issue had an oversized, fold-out calendar showing how you could have a unique outfit for each day of September using only 10 basic pieces of clothing. I was enthralled. We weren’t as poor as my mother had been, but money was not plentiful, and the idea that I could look so pulled-together without a major outlay of money was very appealing.

I found the following photos from the August 1979 issue online:

Yes, that’s a young Phoebe Cates, of “Fast Times at Ridgemont High” and “Gremlins” fame (and who has also been married to Kevin Kline for many years). And yes, I do realize that there are many more than ten items of clothing featured here. But it’s the inspiration more than the reality of the spread that worked for me, and still works for me (and after all, isn’t that what all fashion spreads are all about – inspiration rather than literal dictate). Forty-one years later (yikes!) this particular fashion spread still inspires me.

Why do clothes have the ability to make me/us happy? My answer, speaking only for myself, could probably stretch across several blog posts. I do know that my nostalgia for Seventeen magazines from 1977-1980 have nothing to do with my memories of my life at the time. It has more to do with my dreams from that time – dreams of who I wanted to be, of what I wanted the future to hold for me.

I still have dreams – I still feel like my life is a work-in-progress. These days I rely mostly on my Pinterest boards to help me envision what type of present and future I’d like to create for myself – from poetry to inspirational quotes to yes, fashion – past and present.

And so, just like the teenage Michelle from forty years ago, I can’t wait for my August issue of Seventeen to arrive.

I hope you have a restful weekend, friends!

Love,

Michelle xoxo

Posted on : By : Michelle Posted in : Uncategorized

Hello

Hi, friends. It’s been rather wet here lately, and the mushrooms are popping up all over. The ones shown here are just the ones seen on my morning walks in the neighborhood. I look forward to seeing what types of fungi I can see in our neighborhood park – perhaps I’ll go for a walk Saturday morning before the rest of the humans are out.

The mornings have been cooler these last few days. The air has that “back to school” feeling, and indeed we will be moving Sam into his apartment a week from Saturday. I’m excited for him – although his last two dorm rooms have essentially been apartments, this is his first “real” apartment with its attendant responsibilities (getting renter’s insurance, setting up a time for the internet to be connected, etc). I’m helping him, but also letting him negotiate the phone calls and appointments himself. I’ll miss him when he goes, but I also know that it’s healthier for both of us for him to be off on his own, making his own way in the world again.

I have a birthday coming up next week – 57! I’ve never been one to be coy about my age, and since my cancer diagnosis at age 50 I am positively thrilled when I can say with each birthday, “I made it to 51 (52,53, etc)! Each birthday is a triumph, and I am so grateful to be able to experience the age that I am.

I’m writing this on my lunch hour and must go back to work in a moment, but I wanted to share my photos and a little catch-up with you. Take care, dear ones.

Love,

Michelle xoxo

Posted on : By : Michelle Posted in : Uncategorized

In Praise of the Coffee Nap

Ever since the coronavirus lockdowns started, I have not only been having very vivid dreams but I’ve also been having blessedly uninterrupted 7-8 hour stretches of sleep each night. As most 50-something-plus women (and men) will tell you, this is fairly unusual at our age. It seems that from about 2-3 years before menopause onward it has been very common for my friends and I to wake up at 3-ish o’clock in the morning and not be able to go back to sleep. So when I started to sleep soundly through the entire night, I counted it as one of the silver linings of this dismal time. 

For some reason last night was an exception. Having gone to sleep at my usual 10:00, I woke up at 2am for no particular reason and could not get back to sleep. I listened to an audiobook I have on loan from the library for about an hour and then felt sufficiently sleepy to get back to sleep. I usually wake before my 6:30 alarm, but not this morning. I turned the alarm off, slept until 7 and then forced myself out of bed for my morning walk with Chris.

I dragged myself through the morning, and by 11:30 I was feeling very sleepy indeed. That’s when I remembered reading about coffee naps! 

What is a coffee nap, you ask? First, a little background (and here’s an excellent article for further reading). Our bodies produce a chemical called adenosine, which makes us sleepy. When we fall asleep, adenosine levels drop. That’s why a nap can be very refreshing. Now comes the coffee part. Caffeine actually competes with the adenosine receptors in your brain. The level of adenosine in your bloodstream stays the same, but less of it gets to your brain – hence why caffeine helps keep you awake.

In a coffee nap, the caffeine and the nap have a synergistic affect on your level of sleepiness. Studies have shown that the combination of caffeine + nap has a more favorable impact than either taken alone. 

So, how does it work? Since caffeine takes 20 minutes to act on the body what you have to do is drink a cup of coffee fairly quickly (I added enough milk to my coffee so that I could chug instead of sip it) and then take a nap between 15-20 minutes long. Any longer than 20 minutes and you enter a deeper phase of sleep that will be harder to come out of and leave you groggy. The nap lowers the level of adenosine in your bloodstream, and then the caffeine competes with whatever adenosine is left. It’s such an elegant solution, it just might rise to the level of things-that-make-me-happy. I felt completely transformed by my coffee nap from sleepy head to buzzing with energy. I just knew I had to spread the good news of coffee naps far and wide. 

I hope your week is going well!

Love,

Michelle xoxo

Posted on : By : Michelle Posted in : Uncategorized

COVID Fatigue

If you google the words “Covid Fatigue” there are two different types of search returns. One talks about the symptom of fatigue as it relates to actually contracting the COVID-19 virus. The other type of search return involves the mental/emotional/spiritual fatigue that results from months of isolation, uncertainty, and anxiety – addressed in this article from UC Davis.

I am so fatigued, friends. Friday is usually my “Things That Make Me Happy” post, and while I do think that forcing myself to reflect on things that make me happy is a valuable exercise and that it can in itself be a mood lifter, I have to admit that I just wasn’t feeling it this week. I feel like I’ve hit heartbreak hill two miles into the marathon.

I’m working from home still, and very grateful for the safety that provides me, but I miss being out in the world as just me – the solitary ride (albeit only 6 minutes long) to and from work, the banter with colleagues, my lovely, tiny cubicle. 

I miss the different environments I experienced in the old world order – popping into various shops on my way home from work, going to my sunset-viewing park, sitting in the coffee shop or at the bar of our date-night restaurant, taking my time in the fiction stacks of the library. 

And, it must be said – I love my family so dearly, but there is such a thing as too much togetherness. Remember that old ad, “Calgon, take me away”? And it’s not just me – I know they feel the same way about the situation.

I completely understand the feelings that lead to people deciding, “F*&k it, I’m going to go out and have fun – let the chips fall where they may.” I get it, because most of the time these days I feel so hemmed in I just want to scream. Literally. But I’ve got damned Jiminy Cricket sitting on my shoulder reminding me that giving up ensures the virus wins. And that means people die. And that’s not acceptable.

Of course I recognize that I’m ridiculously privileged – I’m sure the person who checks me through at the grocery store would love to experience the “isolation” of working from their dining room table. I know that the person who just lost a family member to covid would give anything to be annoyed by them just one more time. And that person who has been restricted for the last 3 weeks to a hospital bed wouldn’t turn up their nose at the opportunity to walk around their neighborhood for the millionth time.

I know that I will get my second wind, and when necessary I will get my third, and fourth, wind. And so this post feels a bit whine-y and poor-me-ish. So why write it? Because I know that many of you are feeling the same way, and I want to let you know that you’re not alone. And also I want to share with you, without getting too nitty-gritty, that finding that weekly thing-that-makes-me-happy is sometimes a struggle. Sometimes it’s a way to remind myself that there are things that make me happy.

So, I’m sending out virtual hugs to you all today. Be kind to yourselves and those around you. This is hard for everyone.

Love,

Michelle xoxo