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Trouble at the Feeder

I’m sorry to report that I’ve had to take down our bird feeder for a week or two. One day I noticed that one of the house finches at the feeder looked like it had been in a fist fight – one eye seemed to be partially closed and the feathers surrounding the eye looked ruffled. Since birds don’t have fist fights I consulted Google and found that house finches are susceptible to a disease called mycoplasmal conjunctivitis. It is highly contagious to other house finches and can result in blindness and death due to starvation. They recommended taking down the feeder, cleaning it thoroughly, and putting it back up – which I did. However, a day or so later I noticed another finch had the same funky looking eyes (the first was female and the second male, which is how I knew it wasn’t the same bird). Again I consulted the online experts and saw that the safest thing to do would be to take the feeder down for a significant amount of time so that the flock could disperse. I’m sad that I can’t watch the birds at the feeder for a while, but I really didn’t want to host a super-spreader event right in my own backyard.

I still find it very meditative to watch the goings-on back there, even without the feeder. The other early evening I noticed some deer passing through, munching at the grass and random fallen branches. I had decided not to try to take any photos of them because the light was fading and photos in the late afternoon, past the golden hour, don’t tend to turn out very well for me. “I’ll just enjoy the deer without getting my camera,” I thought. Of course, a young Coopers Hawk decided right at that moment to land in the little tree closest to our house. I scrambled for my camera, fumbled about trying to turn it on and focus in a rush, and managed to get one blurry shot before the hawk flew off again. Even blurry, she’s (he’s?) a beauty. Moments like that are such a gift. After that I decided that any time I am looking outside, my camera will always be at my side, turned on!

I had a lovely weekend – writing a couple of letters, working my current jigsaw puzzle, reading, keeping up with friends with Zoom and group texts. I dried some organic fruit in my dehydrator – navel oranges, cara cara oranges, pears, and granny smith apples. Chris and I watched a couple episodes of His Dark Materials and the 2020 version of the movie Emma. I recommend both! I feel rested and ready to tackle a new work week.

I hope you have a good week. I’ll see you back here next weekend.

Love,

Michelle xoxo

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Gray Day

I went for a walk in “my” woods today. Took my phone and my “real camera” and stood still for about 45 minutes in an area that usually has a bit of activity. Nothing. Not a bird to be seen. The closest I got to seeing a bird was hearing some crows calling way off in the distance. I’m sure there must be busy times and slow times each day, a sort of rhythm to the forest life, and one day soon I’m planning to spend several hours just observing those daily patterns (I’ve been eyeing this camp stool from Amazon for just such a foray). I do notice that there are slow periods and times when the birds are jockeying for position at our backyard feeder, and I often wonder what the birds do when they aren’t feeding.

It wasn’t the most pleasant of days for a walk outside – gray skies, damp cold, wet leaves, mud – but it was good to fill my lungs with fresh air, and the best sort of meditation to stand still among the bare trees, watching and listening. 

It had been about a week and a half since I had gone for a walk – my weekday routine these days is to get up at 6, exercise for 30 minutes on my stationary bike, shower, dress, and log into my work computer by 7. I then work 9 1/2 to 10 hours, sometimes stopping for an actual lunch break (as opposed to grabbing something and eating it in front of the computer). This will be my routine for at least another month, at which point things will start to be less busy at work, I will resume my morning walks, and will work 8:30-4:30 again. And take lunch breaks! Every day! 

I do make a point to stretch a couple of times a day. I leave my yoga mat out at all times so that I can flop down and stretch for 5 minutes or so whenever I feel like I can’t remain seated one more second. I’m trying to envision a way that I can continue that practice when I return to the office (I’m not sure when that will happen, but I’m hoping for June). 

I have been getting a lot of pleasure these days out of periodically checking the sunrise and sunset times online. Today sunset where I live will happen at 5:24pm. On December 20th sunset was 4:59pm. I love knowing that the days are getting longer, even by a minute or so, each day. I love looking forward to see what the sunset time will be at the end of this month (5:41pm) or at the end of February (6:16pm!!!!) I’m not wishing my life away, crossing off the days until we change the clocks back again (March 13/14!) – I used to do that sort of thing, before cancer. Now I know better. It’s enough to know that this day that I’m in right now is just a little bit longer than yesterday.

Have a great week, friends. 

Love,

Michelle xoxo

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21 for 2021

One of my first posts on this blog, back in February of 2020, was my “20 for 2020” list. It was an idea I copied from one of my favorite podcasters, Gretchen Rubin. Every year Gretchen and her sister Elizabeth come up with a list of things they want to accomplish at some point in the year (more information here). They aren’t resolutions – one of the items on Elizabeth’s first lists was to “find the perfect gold necklace” – but are more along the lines of things that you feel will enhance your life in some way. For my “21 for 2021” list, I brainstormed a list of things I want to do this year that relate to my 2021 theme of “Tend.” Many of the things on my list are things I do already, just not on as regular a basis as I would like, or they are new interests/habits that I want to invest in more fully. I have some fun one-offs on the list (the Great Backyard Bird Count and the Christmas Bird Count), some items that will be a pure joy (sunsets!), and some that will require some discipline (writing daily in my gratitude journal).

I would say that I accomplished some important items on my 20 for 2020 list (“get a laptop computer”, “start blogging”, “Daily movement – at least 30 minutes”) but many of the items (“get a pedicure”, “get a massage”, “college reunion road trip with my friend Lori”, among others) fell victim to covid. This year’s goals do not assume that life will return to “normal” at some point, although hopefully we’ll have some semblance of normal before the year’s end. 

Michelle’s 21 for 2021 List

Tending to my Family and Friends

  1. Send snail mail birthday cards to everyone in my address book
  2. Celebrate minor holidays as well as major holidays by sending greetings to friends and loved ones
  3. Keep up with my nieces and nephew – birthdays, etc.
  4. Keep in touch with all close friends and family by any means available – text, Zoom, emails, snail mails – on at least a monthly basis (hopefully more often!)

Keeping Close to the Natural World

  1. Participate in the Great Backyard Bird Count February 12 – 15
  2. Participate in the Christmas Bird Count December 12, 2021 – January 5, 2022
  3. View at least one sunset per month
  4. Hike every trail in the Cuyahoga Valley National Park
  5. Join The Audubon Society – both locally and nationally; attend at least one event, even if by Zoom

Nurturing my Writing

  1. Write at least one blog post per week
  2. Write in my Gratitude Journal daily

Nurturing my Photography

  1. Seek out tutorials online and books on photography
  2. Create a “Book of Now”

Tending to my Home Environment

  1. Create a cozy corner
  2. Print, frame, and hang favorite family and travel photos

Tending to my Health

  1. Take care of my feet! Daily Aquaphor + socks, regular self-pedicures
  2. Exercise aerobically at least 30 minutes a day, 6 days a week 
  3. Stretch/practice yoga every day, even if it’s only for a few minutes 
  4. Research and come up with a specific strategy for dealing with unhealthy snacking urges

Tending to my Future

  1. Research where I want to live in retirement; think about how I want to live in retirement (joint project with Chris!)
  2. Collect photos/ideas for what features I want in our new house (see #20)

What things are you hoping to accomplish this year? Anything fun? Let me know! In six months I will let you know how I’m doing with my 21 for 2021.

Love,

Michelle xoxo

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My One Word Theme for 2021: Tend

Tend (transitive verb)

a. to apply oneself to the care of: watch over 

b. to have or take charge of as a caretaker or overseer

c. cultivate, foster

d. To manage the operations of: mind

Like many households, we have a portable fire pit on our back patio. I bought it with rosy-eyed visions of spending significant amounts of time outdoors sitting around the fire at night. One problem with that fantasy – in any given 15-minute span of time spent outdoors at night, Chris can emerge with at least 15 bug bites. He attracts mosquitoes like no other person I have ever met. Scientists should really study the phenomenon.  And no, the smoke from the fire does not noticeably deter the little flying vampires. Since sitting “around” the fire all by myself isn’t much fun, the fire pit hasn’t gotten as much use as I had envisioned.

Still, Sam and his friends have spent several enjoyable evenings around the fire. I took responsibility for getting the fire started at first because, let’s face it, I’m a helicopter parent. Having never done a lot of fire-building in my past, though, I was surprised at how difficult it is. How do these things just spontaneously spring up in the wild? First you need tinder – something that very easily lights, like newspaper or thin sticks. Tinder may light quickly, but the fire doesn’t last long, so you need to add kindling – larger sticks or thin pieces of wood. Kindling doesn’t catch fire nearly as quickly as one would like, and I’ve found that the kindling needs to be replenished several times before the actual logs catch fire in a significant way. Even when the logs seem like they’re burning nicely you have to pay attention and add more logs just at the right time and in the right configuration (and of the right size) so as not to smother the fire. Fires, like gardens, need to be carefully tended in order to flourish.

When I was thinking about choosing a one word theme for 2021, I didn’t want to come up with something completely removed from my 2020 word “Create.” I still wanted my main aims to be in the creative realm and in continuing to create a life that works for me. I wanted to take the flames of my initiatives from 2020 – my blog, my photography, caring for my home, my family, my friends, my health – and keep them going, feeding them with the kindling of practice, education, and attention. I don’t want what I started to sort of fade off into nothing from lack of care and attention.

Create is such an expansive word. The sound of the word is like watching a time-lapsed video of a flower opening up. Create. The word itself has a drama about it. In comparison to such a glamorous word “tend” sounds very small and unassuming. “Tend” is the daily pulling of weeds in the garden. It’s preparing soil, watering seedlings. Not exciting, but necessary.

So “tend” is my word for 2021. Paying attention. Feeding the flames. Pulling the weeds. Day by day by day. It’s a lovely little word, really. I’m looking forward to keeping it in the forefront of my mind as I travel through 2021. In my next post, I will share the tangible, trackable, ways I will be tending to my goals.

Love,

Michelle xoxo

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Looking Back on 2020’s One Word Theme: Create

At the beginning of 2020 I chose a one-word theme for my year. I had been inspired by Gretchen Rubin and her sister Elizabeth Craft in their podcast “Happier with Gretchen Rubin” (read more here), but the idea has been around for at least a decade. 

My word for 2020 was Create. I wanted to tap back into my creative side again. I missed it. As a 3rd grade teacher I was able to be creative on a daily basis, but in the job I have held since 2015 there really is no creativity involved – I deal mainly in Excel spreadsheets and keeping track of investment banking transactions these days. It is satisfying work that involves a lot of problem solving, but it doesn’t require much in the way of creativity (there is an argument to be made that problem solving does require creativity, but that is a tangent I won’t take here, as it is not the type of creativity I was craving). For several years I had been wanting to start a blog, and I guess the group I started on Facebook, Nourish and Flourish, satisfied that sharing-of-my-writing urge. In 2019, though, I quit all social media save Pinterest, so even that outlet for my creativity was closed to me.

In February of 2020 I bought a laptop specifically as a step toward my goal of starting a blog. I learned how to find a host for my blog, Chris helped me establish my domain name, I figured out the workings and vagaries of WordPress, and on February 23rd I nervously clicked the “publish” button for my first post.

Because most of my favorite blogs all have lovely photography, I decided that I needed to include photography in mine. First I just used my iPhone (and nearly all of my “walk in the woods” and sunset photos are taken with my iPhone), but then I was able to borrow a “real” camera from Sam (this one). He had needed it for a couple of courses in college, but wasn’t currently using it. From my first day using the Canon camera, I felt like a switch somewhere inside me was flipped into the “on” position. I suppose it was a bit like the feeling of falling in love at first sight. At the time we had just discovered that hummingbirds were visiting our feeder, and I was captivated not only by the birds themselves, but also by the detailed photos I was able to take with the Canon. I got my first glimpse of a hummingbird’s crazy-long tongue, caught one in the act of scratching an itch, captured the individual iridescent feathers on a male ruby-throated hummingbird. 

I was, and am, hooked. And I feel like I’m just at the tip of the iceberg of all there is to learn about taking great photos.

I also chose the theme of Create for 2020 because I wanted to focus on creating a life that worked best for me. A life that reflected my priorities – keeping in touch with family and friends, reading and learning, nourishing myself, being strong – in tangible ways, such as writing four snail mail letters or cards a month, calling my mother every day, keeping track of the books I read in my bullet journal, keeping track of my healthy habits, etc. My success in that area was mixed. I do probably send out more snail mail cards and letters than the average person, my nightly calls to my mom are made no matter where I am or what I am doing, and I have made a conscious effort to create a physical living space (especially with the advent of Covid) that feels nurturing and cozy. There are certain areas where I feel I fell down – for example, I can go several weeks making really healthy eating choices and then one event will cause me to be derailed for several weeks. I have admittedly had a disordered relationship with food for my entire adult life, so this is an area that any type of New Year’s resolution or theme alone probably isn’t going to fix, but I think being aware of the problem and never giving up on it are important steps toward healing, and a yearly focus or theme can help keep those fires burning.

Which brings me to my theme for 2021: Tend. 

Which will be a post in itself.

I hope you are enjoying your Sunday!

Love,

Michelle xoxo

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Farewell, 2020. Welcome, 2021.

In early January 2020 I sent out a few New Year’s cards to friends and family. In the cards I wrote about how I wished it would be a wonderful year for them, and how I had a really good feeling about 2020. Around June of this year, one of my friends (who, in addition to all that happened in 2020, was also diagnosed with cancer) sent me a photo of the card and said, “This card makes me laugh every time I see it.” Yeah, I guess my really good feeling about 2020 was a bit off.

2020 was certainly a dumpster fire of a year for many reasons that I don’t need to list for you. I’d like to say good riddance to it, but a year in anyone’s life is a precious thing. Ever since my own personal dumpster fire of a year in 2014, I’ve been very sensitive to the fact that every day is an important day. Since starting my gratitude journal and writing 5 things for which I am grateful each day I use it (I must be completely honest and say that it’s a habit I haven’t completely integrated into my daily routine yet), I’ve realized that even the crappiest days have things that while maybe don’t redeem it, certainly enhance it.

In 2020 I got my laptop, started my blog, spent extra time with Sam, had the opportunity to work from home, nurtured hummingbirds and other birds in my back yard, started learning how to use a “real” camera, got in closer contact with my college girlfriends, enjoyed many hours of puzzle-making, learned how to check out e-books from my local library, and many other things I’m sure I’m forgetting. I really can’t say that on a personal level 2020 was a really bad year. Sure, I had to make adjustments. I couldn’t go on a trip to London that I was looking forward to. Chris and I had to give up our weekly date night trip to Chili’s. I had to wear a mask when going out. I couldn’t walk as freely in the park as I’m used to. All of that taken together was pretty tiring. But as I say to Sam quite often when he’s down about something, a day doesn’t have to be perfect to be good – and on a personal level, a year doesn’t have to be perfect to be good.

Now, saying that a year was a good year just because it was good for ME, is pretty self-centered. What about all the people who have died from Covid, or lost a loved one to Covid? What about all the people hurting so deeply because of racial injustice? Not to mention the ugly political divides made wider this year by self-serving politicians. It’s difficult, isn’t it? Balancing your own personal interests and fortunes with that of the world at large. Because there are always atrocities, tragedies, injustices. Everywhere. All the time. 2020’s defects were writ large, certainly. But we live in a world that is beautiful and horrifying, and has been since humans started running the show.

There are things that are happening that inspire hope for 2021 – the vaccines, more discussion and acknowledgment of racial inequities, a new president here in the US. We can now almost see a day in the near future when we will be able to get together safely with friends and family, when life will return to some semblance of normality.

I am going to spend the rest of today thinking about what I want to accomplish in 2021, and what I want my personal theme/word to be this year. For 2020 my word was “Create” and I feel satisfied that I did a fair job of living that theme out, with my blog and other projects. I think 2021’s word will be similar, because I feel there’s still so much more I want to do creatively.

Good-bye, 2020. Welcome, 2021, And to my friends out there – don’t worry, I won’t be jinxing 2021 by sending out any New Year’s cards this year!

Love,

Michelle xoxo

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Christmas is Coming! But First, Solstice.

It has been two weeks since Sam came home and we have been busy, busy, busy.  So much walking, baking, crafting, laughing, puzzle-making, talking!

I usually do not bake much – primarily because I know I will eat most of it myself. It being Christmas time, however, I have felt free to bake my little heart out. I made this copycat Starbucks gingerbread loaf, which was wonderful – moist, not too sweet (except for the inch of cream cheese frosting and candied orange!), and nicely spiced. I have had these Swedish visiting cake bars in my Pinterest “Treats” board for ages and finally made them. They are basically a thin layer of yellow cake with a layer of sugary, meringue-y sliced almonds on top. They were a big hit with the gang here.

In the way of crafting, Sam and I made these cinnamon ornaments and these paper bag snowflakes (that I have hung on our front door – so little effort for such a big wow factor). I dried some oranges to make ornaments and garlands, and dried some pineapple, oranges, and apples to give as gifts. 

Work is getting very busy for me, so I’ve started skipping my morning walk and logging on to my computer at 7 each morning. I’ve been working 9-hour days, and hopefully that will be enough to keep my head above water during this busy season (which will last until mid-February). Sam and I have been taking a quick one lap around the block (about .9 mile) at lunchtime and at least another two miles in the evening. Our evening walks have been a lot of fun – we walk in our own neighborhood, but have also walked in other neighborhoods in town to look at Christmas lights. 

I have a suet bird feeder outside the dining room window where I work. I keep my camera handy in case there are visitors, who tend to be a different crowd than the birds who hit up the seed feeder. 

Tomorrow is the Winter Solstice, a day that is near and dear to my heart. After tomorrow the days will start getting longer again, and even though we only gain around 90 seconds to 2 minutes a day, it still makes me very, very happy.  I don’t do anything special to celebrate Solstice, but I wrap myself in the lovely, warm knowledge that although winter is just beginning, the sun will help me through.

2020’s Winter Solstice is a special one:  we will get to experience the “Great Conjunction” of Jupiter and Saturn, something that hasn’t happened to this degree in 800 years (NASA article explaining it here). Now, I must admit that I don’t usually pay very much attention to the positions of Jupiter and Saturn in the night sky, so I don’t know if I will notice anything different, but I will be out star-watching tomorrow evening if we have clear skies, if only to tell my grandchildren I witnessed “The Great Conjunction of 2020.”

This year’s Winter Solstice seems especially poignant to me. Not only will it mark the return of the light in a literal sense, but in a year that has held such darkness in the form of COVID-19, unhinged politics and conspiracy theories, it feels like we are gradually emerging into the light.

Love,

Michelle xoxo

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Say Hello to my Little (and not so little) Friends

Hello, friends. I’ve noticed since starting this blog that there are stretches of time where I just cannot find my voice – I think about the prospect of writing a post and absolutely no words will come. I’ve read many writers who have given the advice that one must develop a daily writing routine, that many days not much will come, but inspiration must find you while you’re working. I’m starting to think about what I want to accomplish in 2021, and so maybe a daily writing practice – no matter what – will be a part of those goals. We’ll see.

Sam is back home for the holiday break and we are making the most of our time together. We have done crafty things, gone for long walks, watched the sunset, and have lots of other Christmas-y stuff planned. I will share some of our projects with you in my next post.

I have been enjoying watching our birds and furry creatures every day. Chris put our pumpkins out back on our grass-clippings-pile after Thanksgiving, and the deer have been very appreciative. One day we looked out and saw two deer just hanging out at the top of our yard, enjoying a shaft of sunlight that was bathing that space. They stayed for at least an hour, and I can’t tell you how calming it felt to turn from my work at my computer periodically and see them there.

I’m beginning to be able to identify some of the squirrels that scrounge for seeds under the bird feeder. One little guy with a messed-up ear has been dubbed Scrappy. He’s my favorite. I very rarely see chipmunks by the feeder, but one morning a chipmunk spent several minutes scratching around for seeds. And I saw a mole! I know that gardeners and owners of lawns in general tend to despise moles, seeing them as terrible pests. But you see, I’m a terrible gardener. And the lawns are Chris’ territory. So I’ll continue to view this little fellow with as much affection as I would Moley from The Wind in the Willows. UPDATE! After getting a better look at our burrowing friend, as well as doing some internet research, I realize that he is not a mole but is in fact a shrew! Still love him!

Today I made a decision to not keep up with the news at least until Christmas is over. It’s a self-care thing. I periodically try to step back a bit, but then I get sucked back in. Lately it’s been like a train wreck – it’s very hard to look away. But I must. And I will. If something truly important happens in the world between now and then, I’m sure someone will let me know. If I like how I feel in two weeks, I will extend the moratorium until the New Year.

Enjoy your weekend, friends!

Love,

Michelle xoxo

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A Snowy Day

Well, December came in with a bang. Twelve-inches-plus of sticky snow, clinging so heavily to the trees that several large branches came down in our back yard, including one which landed on our cable and internet wires, causing them to be literally torn from our house (taking big chunks of siding with them).

But isn’t it lovely?

xoxo

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A Squirrelly Thanksgiving

First Encounter
A Valiant Effort
Defeated

Happy Thanksgiving to my friends here in the United States! This is a strange sort of Thanksgiving for just about everyone I know. Smaller gatherings, no travel.

Upon graduating college I entered the Air Force and spent several Thanksgivings away from family. After leaving the Air Force, I lived in Ohio, California, Texas, Illinois, and Ohio again. Some years travel for the holidays was possible. Other years it just wasn’t. I became used to different variations on the theme of turkey, family, and friends. Every year, though, brought the opportunity to reflect on the things that made me feel thankful. And there were so many things. No matter what else was going on. Thanksgiving 2009 was my family’s first Thanksgiving after my beloved brother Robert died. It was my first Thanksgiving knowing that my first marriage had ended. Thanksgiving 2014 saw me still in cancer treatment, and my dad had just died in October. Even in the saddest and strangest circumstances, I learned there was still much for which to be thankful.

Chris returned from California on Sunday. After spending that day in three different airports and two different flights, we knew that our Thanksgiving four days later needed to be different. Sam isn’t home for the holiday either, choosing to stay alone in his apartment for two weeks after his last day of work in a busy cafe. I will pick him up on December 6 and we will have a wonderful Christmas season together.

Chris and I have been avoiding contact with each other since he came home, wearing masks whenever we are in common areas of the house, eating our meals and sleeping in separate rooms. Tomorrow he will go to get his covid test, and if his results are negative we will feel confident eating our Thanksgiving meal together Sunday evening. It’s not a 14 day quarantine, but we feel pretty comfortable with the compromise.

I look at families that have the same Thanksgiving experience year after year after year and sometimes I am envious of those unchanging traditions, in much the same way that I am sometimes envious of couples who have been married for 50+ years. There is definitely something to admire in those situations; situations that my life has not provided. But I am so grateful that my life has given me the opportunity to see that even the things that I didn’t necessarily want to happen, even the challenges and deviations from the “perfect” life that have sometimes thrown me for a loop – none of these things have taken away my deep capacity for gratitude. Indeed, I feel that they have increased that capacity.

Happy Thanksgiving! I am thankful for you.

Michelle xoxo

P.S. If you want a squirrel-resistant bird feeder like mine, here is the link.