Becoming The Ocean

One of my favorite quotes comes from Leonard Cohen: “If you don’t become the ocean you’ll be seasick every day.” 

I’ve been working on becoming the ocean lately. Accepting what is happening in each moment. Trying to appreciate my life exactly as it is right now. 

Life is hectic with a full time job, a puppy, a child back in the nest trying very hard to leave the nest again (i.e. job hunting), and the inevitable unwelcome surprises that come into virtually every life. 

I found out a couple weeks ago that I have osteoporosis. Not entirely a surprise, as I already had osteopenia (a weakening of the bones that’s not quite severe enough to call osteoporosis yet) and I’ve been on a cancer drug for the last 6 years that is known for weakening bones. 

Still, I felt a bit let down by my medical team (why did they only casually tell me to eat a calcium-rich diet all these years? Why didn’t they get me on bone strengthening drugs to counteract the cancer drugs?) and by myself (why didn’t I advocate better for myself? Why didn’t I take the osteopenia seriously enough?). I also felt like here was one more thing that cancer had taken away from me. I felt suddenly frail. Old. Vulnerable. Depressed.

Then I decided to become the ocean:

I joined a gym, have scheduled a fitness assessment, and will be starting resistance training on the weight machines there (resistance training is good for strengthening  bones, as well as for counteracting the decrease in muscle mass that comes with advancing age).

I am incorporating more weight bearing exercise into my routine. I’ve always walked daily, but now I walk up and down hills in order to increase the load put on my bones with each step.

I have cut out caffeine and am counting milligrams of calcium and sodium in my diet. Why sodium, you ask? Our American diets are notoriously high in sodium, and sodium in the diet has been linked to osteoporosis. Some studies have questioned the link, but no studies have shown that eating twice the recommended amount of sodium per day (which is what many Americans do) is good for you in any way. So I’ll keep counting.

My medical team has sprung into action and I will now be receiving a twice yearly infusion of a bone strengthening drug called Zometa. That is, I’ll be receiving it if my medical insurance agrees it’s necessary. My first infusion will hopefully be this Friday.

I’m starting to feel more like myself these days. Taking more photos. Getting out into nature more. I’ve scheduled a weekly hike with an old teaching friend who I didn’t see all through the pandemic. I’m spending more time in the little park at the end of the street. I’m journaling more, being better about keeping in touch with friends, and being careful about what I let into my head in the way of media (I’ve deleted the only news app on my phone and am only interested in books/movies/tv that lift me up and show me the good side of humanity). 

I hope you’re having a lovely weekend, friends. I’ve missed you. 

Love,

Michelle xoxo