Hello, friends! When I first started photographing the hummingbirds in our back yard, I was in awe of what sorts of shots my camera could capture: “Look, its little tongue is sticking out!” “Omg, I caught it in mid-flight!” As time has gone on, I am now accustomed to the marvels of my camera and I have become increasingly critical of and frustrated by my ability as a (admittedly novice) photographer. I take literally hundreds of photos to find a half dozen that (barely) pass muster. I know that “real” photographers also take many shots that never get shared, which I find heartening. And I’m not so frustrated that I feel like giving up any time soon – I’m more determined than ever to become more skilled at this. All this to say, I agonized over which shots to share with you, and some of these don’t really pass my new standards of perfect focus and clarity, but I’m sharing them as a snapshot (ha!) of where I am today with my skills and to share with you my love of these gorgeous creatures. They really do bring me so much joy. I hope these photos bring a smile to your face today.
I was in Rhode Island last week, helping my oldest sister clear out my mother’s home (my childhood home) to get it ready for sale. It was a lot of work but so much fun spending time with my sister. We kind of camped out together in the house for a long weekend and rented a very large (although apparently the smallest one offered by this company!) dumpster. There were many opportunities to problem solve and use whatever geometry we learned in school many years ago (as in, how the heck are we going to get this thing out that door). I came very close to having something incredibly heavy remove the top of my finger! I am happy to report that there were no injuries, but I think we both now need a very long, deep muscle massage. Ooof.
One morning we decided to walk down to the water to watch the sunrise. Now, on the east coast of the United States the sun rises quite early in the morning at the beginning of June! We set our alarms for 4:45am and walked down to the bay on a gorgeous, clear morning. After the sun rose we walked to the nearest coffee shop only to realize it was still far too early for any of the local cafes and coffee shops to be open! Back to work we went. 🙂
My next post will be about “my” hummingbirds, I promise!
I’m very lucky that I live less than 10 miles from the Cuyahoga Valley National Park. It’s a sprawling 32,572-acre park that follows the Cuyahoga River from Cleveland to Akron. I really do count my lucky stars that we live so close to such a beautiful area. My sunset-watching park is within the larger national park, along with so many hiking and biking trails, picnic areas, and points of interest.
Within the park is the Bath Road Heronry (learn more about ithere). It consists of two enormous trees among whose branches great blue herons build their nests every year. The website linked above describes it as a nesting colony, and I can’t even estimate how many nests are in the trees, but I’ll try — 30? Maybe more? Right now the fledglings are pretty big and I’m sure will be leaving their nests soon.
I’ve visited the heronry about half a dozen times over the last couple of weeks, trying to take some photos to share with you. It’s been a bit frustrating because my current zoom lens just isn’t powerful enough to take really great photos of things so far away, but at least I can give you an idea of what it looks like there. So many of these huge birds! You can imagine the racket made by all the young great blue herons chirping for their mothers – it’s fabulous.
I’m emerging from my funk and actually feel like I might have something to say to you all. I recently read such a lovely book by the British author Matt Haig. It’s called “The Comfort Book” and it is a loosely organized collection of little essays, inspirational quotes, lists, and even a recipe or two. To give you a little feel for the book, here is what is written on page 46. It is titled “Toast” and says “Continually looking for the meaning of life is like looking for the meaning of toast. It is sometimes better just to eat the toast.” Matt Haig suffered from severe suicidal depression as a young adult, and he speaks on the subject of bad times and difficult feelings so eloquently. I absolutely love this book and have already bought two copies to give to loved ones. If you have someone in your life just starting out on the path of adulthood, I highly recommend it as a graduation gift or a “just because” gift. I wish I had read something like this when I was in my early twenties, but I must admit that at my age of almost-59 I am still learning how to navigate this human experience and got great comfort from the book. It is perfectly named.
I have been taking lots of photos of our hummingbirds and will post some here very soon! Wildlife photography really is mostly just a lot of waiting around — I knew this already from previous summers photographing our hummers, but it really hit home to me on my several hit-or-miss visits to the heronry. The key is to do something during the waiting other than mentally reviewing your to-do list, or your to-worry-about list. At the heronry there are a lot of other things to look at – groups of goldfinches zooming around, red-winged blackbirds perching on dead tree branches, lots of fascinating but too-difficult-to-photograph heron activity – but when I’m sitting in a chair in my dining room or kitchen looking out the window waiting for a hummingbird to show up I really have to work hard to be mindful. It’s good practice, though!
I’m taking a break from all news during this long holiday weekend. This past week was just too brutal and the more I read the news the more frustrated/angry/depressed I got. Because I don’t see my country ever changing on this issue. And that breaks my heart. But, as Matt Haig says in The Comfort Book, “Nothing is stronger than a small hope that doesn’t give up.” So, I will keep that small hope in my heart. And I won’t give up.
I hope you are doing well and are having a lovely weekend.
Yes, this was last week! An inch of snow, gone by evening.
I’m typing this post as I sit at the kitchen counter – do they still call it a “breakfast bar” or is that a holdover from my 1970’s childhood? Anyway, I’m sitting here typing and every few moments I turn to the window and see if any hummingbirds are visiting the feeder. Ordinarily I would have thought late April too early to start looking for hummingbirds here in northeast Ohio, but there have been sightings! I frequent the website Hummingbird Central (link here) which tracks the spring and fall migration of hummingbirds. My feeder has been up for a week with absolutely no action, but I’m hopeful for something soon.
I’m puppy-sitting this weekend, which is bringing me great joy. I love Pokey so much! Today, walking in the park, a woman passed and said, “Hi sweetheart! What a wonderful smile you have!” She was talking to Pokey of course. Pokey loves people! With other dogs, however, he is socially awkward. He just can’t figure them out.
I can’t think of anything else to write at the moment, but I did want to share some photos with you and let you know I’m doing well. I hope you have a wonderful week!
I’m back. March was a dumpster fire of a month for me, for several reasons. I want to call it water under the bridge, but water under the bridge tends to want to pull you against your will downriver, and I’ve been fighting that. I’m finally at a point where I feel ready to continue sharing here on a more regular basis.
What I’d like to share most of all is how I’ve managed to crawl out of the hole of nearly overwhelming sadness to a point where I’m feeling…ok. I’m not skipping around in a constant joyful state, but I have felt joy many times over the past few weeks and I feel in general fairly contented.
Music has had a big part in making me feel more normal. A few weeks ago, Chris suggested that we fill the house with music every Sunday morning. We take turns choosing the playlist. One week we watched Simon and Garfunkle’s Central Park concert, another Sunday was devoted to Seal (who we saw in concert in an outdoor venue several years ago and still marvel at how fantastic he was). Other choices were James Taylor and Carole King at the Troubador and Supertramp in Paris. Today we listened to Chris Rea. I’ve also re-added the Apple Music app, and have created a “morning walk” playlist that I listen to each morning when I’m walking in the neighborhood or at the gym. The playlist currently includes songs by Harry Nilsson, Lizzo, Harry Styles, HAIM, Cher, Taylor Swift, and Lorde – but I edit it on a daily basis.
As always, nature has helped me get to a happier place. With the warmer weather and longer days I’ve been enjoying more outdoor walks, especially in the morning. I’ve been out for some evening hikes and sunset watching. I’ve dusted off my camera and have started documenting the change in seasons (will share more photos with you soon). I’m excited that there have already been some hummingbird sightings in Ohio and I’ve put up the feeder so as not to miss the early arrivals.
I had been having a difficult time concentrating enough to read novels, but I read the book “Wintering” by Katherine May which I found helpful. In it May talks about how each of us have many metaphorical winters in our lives, and that a way through these winters is to slow down, take gentle care of ourselves, and listen carefully to what our body and psyche craves/needs during these times. In addition to music and nature, I’ve been working jigsaw puzzles pretty constantly. The puzzles fill those odd moments when I otherwise would be at a loss as to what to do with myself – those minutes when the work day is done but it’s not time to call my mother yet, or the work-from-home lunch hour after I’ve eaten my lunch and don’t want to get back online before my hour is up. Those odd moments tend to be when anxiety can rear its ugly head, and I’m thankful for busy hands and mind to get me through. I’ve also been very adherent to a healthy diet and plenty of exercise. I give myself a foot massage each morning and evening with special foot cream. I’ve become an oral hygiene zealot after lucking into an appointment with a gentle, kind, encouraging dental hygienist. I have no nagging feelings these days that I should be doing a better job of taking care of some aspect of my health and that removes so much negativity and anxiety from my plate.
I’m looking forward to sharing some more spring photos with you very soon. Thank you for being there, friends.
I’ve been thinking about joy. When I created my “22 for 2022” list, nearly every item related to adding joy to my own life. I think there is only one item that talks about creating joy for other people. I think I need to flip that ratio – I feel that’s the only way through a 2022 that has been so brutal so far.
I am doing fine. That is, my individual life is OK. As far as I know I am healthy. I have no weird aches or pains that make me wonder if my cancer is back. I don’t have to see my oncologist for another year. My busy season at work is over and it is amazing how quickly an 8 hour work day goes by. My little chick will be flying the nest soon and I am so excited for him. He’s doing well in his first grown-up job and has lots of “work moms” to look after him there. Chris is doing well and has an exciting project coming up soon.
But god – Ukraine. My heart is breaking for the people of Ukraine every single day that we see the evil and brutality that is being visited upon them. And it just gets worse and worse and worse. And I worry how far Russia will go. To see pure evil at work like that – I just can’t get my head around it. And I am so. very. sad.
How can I possibly focus on making my life more joyful when I already have so much and when others are in so much pain? I’m really having difficulty with this, friends.
Eleanor Roosevelt said, “Since you get more joy out of giving joy to others, you should put a good deal of thought into the happiness that you are able to give.” I’ve been thinking of that quote a lot these days.
So yes, I’ll be flipping the priorities of my “22 for 2022” a bit – creating more joy for other people rather than myself.
I’ll let you know what I come up with.
Michelle xoxo
P.S. We had a raccoon in our back yard this morning that was attempting to walk across the phone line. It was hilarious.
P.P.S. In addition to Wordle I am now doing Worldle every morning – and realizing my geography skills are crap. Hence the photo of the geography coloring book I bought myself from Amazon.
I’ve been spending the past few weeks thinking about my 2022 theme of “Joy” – and what it is I mean when I speak of Joy and bringing more of it into my life.
Joy and happiness are related feelings, but when I talk about bringing more joy into my life, I’m not talking about happiness.
I don’t live in a constant state of happiness, and I don’t aspire to live in a constant state of happiness. The nature of life is too complicated for that to ever be possible (and I suspect constant happiness would get boring after a while). I’m a fairly content person, but I definitely have my moments of feeling sad, anxious, annoyed, stressed, or just flat. We are in the middle of our 2 1/2 months-long busy time at work right now and I am logging 9-10 hours each day sitting at my dining room table and sometimes I just want to let loose with a primal scream. We are still in the midst of a pandemic. I am grandmother to a puppy who is about 65% pure cuteness and 35% utter chaos. And by all measures the world is pretty screwed up (as it always has been).
Joy, to me, is that sudden buoyancy of spirit that you feel when you encounter something delightful, or awe-inspiring, or hilarious, or beautiful. Your day can be quite dull, or worse, and along comes some unexpected (or planned) thing that lifts you completely out of your circumstances, if only for a moment. And the wonderful part is that even the memory of that experience has the power to bring you joy. Which is why I want to create a Joy Journal – to list all of the things that have brought joy into my life. And to revisit them when I need a little boost.
Joy can be brought on by small things (blue skies and sun after several cloudy days) or life changing things (the birth of your child). The thing I love about joy is that you can experience it even in the darkest times of your life. I remember many years ago I was in a very sad and difficult time in my life. It was late at night and I was awake, sitting in my living room, thoughts racing. I happened to look out the window, at my snowy front yard, and a buck with an enormous rack slowly walked along and stopped right in front of my window. I felt such awe and gratitude for the experience of seeing such beauty. Seeing the buck didn’t change the circumstances of my life, but for that one moment it brought me to a better place. I’m still grateful to that buck for stopping by.
Some things that have brought me joy lately:
We have had a couple feet of snow on the ground here since Martin Luther King Jr. Day, and I dug a path and a track for Pokey in our back yard. It cracks me up every time I see him racing around the track. He loves it so much. It reminds me of when I used to create elaborate mazes for Sam with sidewalk chalk on our driveway.
The other morning I was walking Pokey down our street and we heard a strange animal call – Pokey actually looked up at me as if to say, “What the heck?” It turned out to be a huge pileated woodpecker. I hardly ever see them around here, and this one zigzagged from one side of the street to the other for a while before heading to parts unknown.
Watching the potted tulips on my kitchen counter grow and bloom out.
Watching videos of Peter Gabriel’s 1994 Secret World Tour (especially Solsbury Hill and In Your Eyes)
Sara Bareilles singing Many the Miles on a houseboat (especially when she forgets the lyrics and just goes with the flow)
Pokey sleeping in my lap
Snowy hikes in local parks
Laughing at something silly with my mom during a phone call
Seeing my friend Beth’s smiling face when our weekly Zoom call connects
Hello! The temperatures in northeast Ohio have been frigid these last few days, but nothing like my friends in Maine are experiencing – windchill temperatures in the negative 40’s Fahrenheit – Yikes! We’ve been able to go out safely for walks with Pokey – as long as he is bundled up with a sweater AND a jacket, he’s been fine. It’s so important for me to be able to get out in the fresh air each day – I’m grateful the weather hasn’t been worse here.
I’ve been spending a lot of my free time since my last blog post coming up with my “22 for 2022” list to go along with my 2022 theme of “Joy.” I must say it has been a very enjoyable process, but I feel like the list still needs some tweaking. Nevertheless I am going to share it with you today, and over the next few posts I will elaborate on several of the items on my list (asterisked):
So, here it is, my 22 for 2022:
Buy fresh flowers once a week (or however long they last)
Play Wordle daily *
Keep the word “Joy” front and center in my life *
Visit my mother when I can, and sing with her
Buy one (traditional paper) book per month that I think will bring me joy, or help me contemplate joy *
Get my flute reconditioned and learn to play again *
Celebrate my 50th anniversary of being friends with Beth *
Nourish my body with healthy foods
Read every book Mary Oliver has written
Find ways to bring vibrant color into my life
Take a hike at least once a week, more often when the days are longer
Deliberately insert something that makes me laugh into each day *
Listen to one song each day that fills my heart with joy *
Take a moment each day to truly savor an experience *
Explore spirituality and what I actually think it means for me
Get a professional pedicure once a season
Get a monthly massage
Keep a Joy Journal *
Find 6 apps and/or podcasts that will help me add joy to my life *
Meditate daily *
London trip!
Try to brighten the day of at least one person each day *
Do you get excited by the fresh start the new year offers? Or do you see it as sort of arbitrary – really just another day? If you fall into the former camp, you probably enjoy making New Year’s resolutions, coming up with a one-word theme for the new year, or using the start of a new year as motivation to “clean house” in different aspects of your life. If you are in the latter camp, you probably say “meh” to all that. I have to admit that usually I’m in the first group. For the last two years I came up with one-word themes for my year (“Create” for 2020 and “Tend” for 2021) and compiled “20 for 2020” and “21 for 2021” lists of things I wanted to do each year. I love to put away all of the Christmas decorations on January 1st, do a deep clean of my house (well, sort of) and reorganize my closet. The start of the new year always feels shiny and full of potential for me.
This year I’ve been trying very hard to feel it, to get excited about what 2022 might hold for me, but “meh” has been winning out, I’m afraid. I think it’s partially due to Covid fatigue. Omicron is going through Ohio like wildfire. I’m working from home again, and I’m of two minds about that. I am very glad that my employer is responsible and cares about our health. But I grew to love working back in the office, particularly for the separation of “Work Michelle” and “Home Michelle” that it gave me, a la George Costanza – remember his worlds colliding theory? This second time around of working from home I definitely feel like my worlds are colliding.
Having said that, I refused to have “Meh” be my theme for 2022! So, I dug deeper, reading a variety of articles about the concept of the one-word theme, hoping to find some inspiration. I realized that part of what was holding me back was the fact that I am just feeling so emotionally fatigued and the idea of some theme that I have to manifest in my life just made me want to go to bed and pull the covers over my head. But then I came across this line in an article on the one-word theme: “If you want to choose a theme for 2022, start by asking a simple question: What’s the theme I need the most right now — based on what happened in 2021?”
Upon reading that sentence, I knew the answer instantly – my one-word theme for 2022 will be Joy.
