Now that the clocks have been turned back, I’m once again beginning my morning walk in daylight – while it lasts. This morning, as I was walking out the door, I was surprised to see a deer in our front yard. She was surprised to see me, too, but not frightened. What a lovely way to start my day.
Oh, yes – it snowed last night. I’ll post my photos of my snowy walk tomorrow.
Happy Monday!
Love,
Michelle xoxo
In the US we are approaching an Election Day unlike any I have ever known in my 57 years. Each side believes there is more at stake than in any other election – some have stated that the very soul of this country is at stake. Nearly 70 percent of Americans responding to a recent survey said that the presidential election was a significant source of stress in their lives, with 76 percent of Democrats and 67 percent of Republicans experiencing anxiety.
This election would be difficult in the best of circumstances, but of course we’re not dealing with the best of circumstances. COVID-19. Political polarization at all levels, from our national leaders to our neighbors. Isolation. The end of longer, sunnier days. If there was ever a perfect storm of anxiety triggers, this is it.
I must confess my coping mechanisms in the last two weeks have not been helpful. Hello snacking, my old friend. Yes, Michelle, peanuts and dried apricots are “healthy foods,” but not by the fistful. And I won’t even get into the “left over” Halloween candy.
But I’m trying, friends. And I’m also trying to not be too tough on myself when my choices aren’t the wisest. Each day I pick myself back up, dust myself off, and try again.
Of course, nature is still there for me. The gloomy weather we had all week finally broke yesterday and we had a glorious, albeit chilly, perfect autumn day. As I walked through “my” woods at the end of the street, I was very conscious of soaking in every golden shaft of sunlight, knowing the weather could turn at any moment (and today has been a weird mix of gloom, snippets of sunshine, and high winds – with our power even flickering once).
My favorite things to photograph in the woods these days:
Wherever you are, whatever you are dealing with, I hope you find some gentle ways to cope. If you have a wild place to retreat to, whether it be a beach, desert trail, forest, or merely a tiny green space with a tree or two – I highly suggest some nature therapy. Bundle up if necessary. I guarantee it will do you some good.
Love,
Michelle xoxo
Yesterday the US reported more than 83,000 new Covid-19 cases – its highest one-day number since the pandemic began. Epidemiologists say we will easily see six-digit numbers in the upcoming weeks. With the weather getting colder by the day, this can only mean one thing for all prudent people.
Time to hunker down.
I have an especially good motivation for hunkering down. The test results that I mentioned a few posts ago were actually not strictly routine. My white blood cell counts have never really bounced back since my cancer treatment ended, and my blood work in early September had shown the number go even lower than that “new normal.” Suddenly my doctors were talking about retakes and consultations with hematologists and all sorts of scary things like that. Hence the re-take in early October and my anxiety about the impending results.
The good news is that my numbers are back up. Not all the way up to normal, but much better than September and even a tenth of a point better than this time last year. It is suspected that the Diphtheria/Tetanus booster I had after my bike accident (which was about 6 days before the initial blood tests) affected my counts. I’m still concerned about my immune system and have been given the name of an immunologist by a fellow breast cancer survivor whose immune system was also damaged by her treatment. I never really thought too much about my immune system before Covid. I guess I’ll take as a silver lining the fact that the pandemic has motivated me to see what can be done to fix the damage done by chemo and radiation.
So, hunkering down. Of course I’ve been staying home and away from other humans far more than many people have. I haven’t been to my hair stylist since March 10. Chris and I haven’t gone to a restaurant since the pandemic began. I know I should go to the dentist, but the thought of all that spit flying around from people getting their teeth cleaned freaks me out a bit. I’ve been working from home 100% of the time, but when our busy season rolls around in December I’ll have to go back in some of the time. Luckily I have an employer that cares about my situation and I’m being given a private office with a door when I go back.
The photos today are of things that are making me happy as I prepare for the colder months. I think it will be really important this winter, more than any other winter in the past, to create a cozy nest – a place of comfort and joy in a time that is always cold and dark, and now has the added twist of pandemic.
Fresh flowers will be a priority. I love fresh cut flowers always, but especially in winter. And as inexpensive as grocery store blooms are, I can’t think of a better investment in contentment. My Trader Joe’s dahlias from last week faded more quickly than I would have liked, but there were several buds in the bunch and I am now looking forward to their bloom.
I bought myself two warm, cozy, bright sweaters that I love. The colors themselves are so cheerful and warming. I always remember the saying, “there’s no such thing as bad weather, only unsuitable clothing,” and I’m determined this winter to dress warmly, expecially since my only “outings” will be into nature.
I’m reveling in the foods of the season: apples, acorn squash, brussels sprouts. I’ve discovered something called bircher muesli, which is a combination of grated apple, oats, nuts, seeds, dried fruit, and yogurt. I have it nearly every morning for breakfast and I find it both delicious and sustaining.
I’m looking around at my physical environment here at home and finding ways to make it work better for me. For years my beloved secretary desk has sat in the cramped space behind Chris’ piano, and since I couldn’t flip the desktop down easily, it became a dumping ground for old papers, receipts, random cards and gift bags – basically it became a very large “junk drawer.” Because I couldn’t use it as a desk, I took to putting my stationery, journals, nice pens, and washi tape collection in a basket that sat in a corner of the kitchen, attracting its own collection of clutter. Last weekend I had a lightbulb moment – switch the secretary desk out for a small bookshelf that sat in the dining room. Many hours and many garbage and shred bags later, my desk is ready for action and Chris has much more room at the piano.
How are you preparing for this long winter?
Love,
Michelle xoxo
I went on a walk around the block at lunchtime today and took these photos. The last few days have been typical late October – rainy, gloomy, chilly at times. Dark too early. My morning walk takes place in darkness now. Sigh. There’s so much beauty, though, and I’m soaking in as much as I can before the trees lose all those gorgeous leaves.
I haven’t been here for several days because I fell into a common trap for me – overworking. Ten hour days do not make for a healthy work-life balance, and I am attempting to gain that balance back again. Today I forced myself to spend only eight hours at my work computer. I actually took a lunch break. I felt more like a real person and less like a number crunching zombie. Over the next few days I hope to take more photos, write more here, and take better care of myself.
Love,
Michelle xoxo
What is a vlalk, you ask? I just invented the word – it’s a cross between a vlog and a walk. Quite dangerous, especially where there are roots and fallen branches about. 🙂
Happy Sunday, friends!
xoxo
So, I’m waiting for some test results to come back – nothing potentially earth-shattering, just yearly physical stuff, but anyone who is in this cancer survivor club knows that with any test result comes the possibility that something will be amiss. Sure, you THINK you feel great, but look at this! Your such-and-such level is way off the charts! We’ll have to investigate…
It’s always an exercise in staying calm, in not putting the cart before the horse, in not letting your imagination spiral out of control. In an example of perfect timing, there was this article in the New York Times today about dealing with uncertainty of any kind. I found both the piece itself and the comment section very affirming and consoling. It’s always nice to know you’re not alone. And even though most of you reading this are probably not cancer patients or survivors, there is plenty of uncertainty to go around these days, whether it be covid-related news, politics, social justice, the environment – you name it.
I find it helpful to think about the things that are constant, and that will remain constant no matter what. The two things that are most important to me – the love I give and receive, and the beauty of the natural world – will not change in my lifetime, no matter what my test results are or who is elected in November, or when a vaccine is available. They will always be there for me, every day, all day.
In the last couple of days I witnessed two things in nature that I haven’t seen outside of a television program. The first was a mother deer in our backyard a few mornings ago, nursing her two nearly-grown fawns. Lovely.
The second thing happened this morning. I’ve mentioned in this blog before about how I am fascinated by crows. I love how they live in groups – they remind me of this cool bird gang that you see hanging out in the neighborhood, chatting amongst themselves, calling out to their friends half-way down the block to come join the conversation.
I had heard from my sister that crows can exhibit a behavior called “mobbing.” Mobbing is when a group of animals, usually birds, coordinate to intimidate a predator – swooping, chasing, trash-talking. She once saw a group of crows mobbing a fox in her back yard that had just killed a baby turkey. This morning, as I was entering the park at the end of the street, I heard the crows caw-ing like crazy. I looked around to see where they were perched, and lo and behold they came swooping and chasing after a fox, who was carrying something small, furry, and presumably recently-dead in its jaws. The fox ran across my path, away from the crows and into the brush, to enjoy its meal in peace. The crows flew back to their perches. I walked on, a big smile on my face.
The deer and the fox and the crows don’t care about my test results. They don’t care who wins the election in November, and they don’t care what other craziness we humans think up to do to each other. The trees are turning incredible autumn colors, just as they always have every autumn of my life, just as they will continue to do after I’m long gone. These things are certain. You could argue that with the threat of global climate change these things also face uncertainty. I would agree with you. But for the moment I find great comfort in my walks in the woods, the birds in the trees, and the glory of a sunrise.
Have a wonderful weekend, friends.
Love,
Michelle xoxo
I don’t pray, but I can say thank you.
Thank you to the universe for having this planet in it.
Thank you to this planet for having me in it.
Thank you to the sun for keeping me warm, for growing my food, for lighting my days, and for making everything look so beautiful.
Thank you, thank you, thank you.
Love,
Michelle xoxo
Tuesday evening I was all set to sit down and crank out a blog post. I got out my laptop, signed in, and just…couldn’t. After 8 hours in front of my work computer (still in the dining room), and a tv show over dinner (we’re working our way through all the seasons of Rake), I felt so full-up with technology I couldn’t take one more moment of screen time. I wasn’t feeling anxious, per se. More overwhelmed.
I closed the laptop and got out one of the puzzles I ordered a few weeks ago. I spent the next two hours or so sorting out the edge pieces, putting them together, sorting out the interior pieces according to color, and drinking a couple of mugs of green tea. Making a jigsaw puzzle is such a tactile endeavor – I never realized before how grounding it can be.
After that experience I read a few articles about how many people are experiencing digital overload during these days of working from home, socializing online, and Netflix binge-watching. When I worked in the office, I still worked the entire 8 hour day at my computer, but there would be interruptions in the form of walking over to the work room to pick up printed sheets, walking over to a neighboring cubicle to ask a question, a few chuckles at the coffee machine, department meetings, or even just hearing an adjacent cubicle-mate venting frustration at their computer. Now my entire day takes place through the computer. I print pages to PDF and save them in DocsVault. I communicate with my colleagues and work friends by text or through a messaging program called Teams. Department meetings are video calls through the same Teams application. And when you’re working from home, getting up from the computer and going to the kitchen to make a cup of coffee or a piece of toast somehow feels more taboo than the same actions taken at the office. I feel like I have to be productive every minute of the workday, which is exhausting.
For the last several days I’ve been purposely spending more time in nature. My lunch hours have been spent sitting on a bench in our back yard or walking the trail in the park at the end of the street. The goal of these walks is not exercise. I walk slowly, looking at the trees, breathing in the Autumn forest smells of damp ground, fallen leaves, and pine trees. I lean on trees now and then to watch the squirrels and the birds. I go off-trail, especially if there are other people in the park, so that I can concentrate on my environment and not on whether or not the person approaching me on the trail will come too close.
I’m trying to offset the necessary digital portions of my day with things that engage my senses. After reading so many digital books during this covid time, I’m longing for some paper books. The feel of the paper, print that isn’t backlit – I’m realizing that I need the nourishment of that experience again. An actual trip to the library might have to be in my near future.
I’ve ordered some back issues of a magazine that I enjoy, Bella Grace. It’s a non-glossy magazine for women that has no content on fashion, makeup, fitness, or work. There are no advertisements, so it’s a bit pricy, but the back issues are discounted. What it does have are lovely photographs, bits of poetry, quotes, thoughtful articles, and lists. I love the lists! They have titles like “48 Simple Yet Significant Thank-You Gestures” and “35 Books that have Carried Us Through Hard Times.” I do have a couple of digital issues, which are less expensive than the paper version but not nearly as satisfying.Â
On the meditation front, I’ve pulled out a hand-held labyrinth that I received as a gift many years ago, and I’ve been using it to meditate instead of the meditation app on my phone. I’ve always been fascinated with walking labyrinths, like the most famous one in the cathedral in Chartres, France. I’ve only actually walked a labyrinth once, although when Sam was little I used to draw labyrinths on our extra-wide driveway with chalk! With a hand-held labyrinth, you use a stylus to trace over the path. I’ve found that even if my mind is relatively busy while tracing the path, I always finish in a noticeably calmer mood than when I started.
Do you have any activities that soothe you during this still-crazy, information-overload time?
I hope you are having a restful weekend!
Love,
Michelle xoxo
Hello friends,
I have zero time this morning to write more than a few captions, but I wanted to share this morning’s walk with you! I don’t think my heart rate got very close to my target as I was constantly stopping to take photos!
Have a beautiful day!
Love,
Michelle xoxo
I have time for just a few words this morning, but I wanted to share with you sights that I found so nourishing this morning on my walk. Isn’t that flower an absolute beauty? The internet tells me it is a dahlia, but please chime in if that’s incorrect.
Along the way I listened to the podcast “On Being with Krista Tippett” – episode 869, “Michael McCarthy – Nature, Joy, and Human Becoming.” It was the perfect accompaniment. I now want to read McCarthy’s book “The Moth Snowstorm: Nature and Joy.” Isn’t that a great name for a book? He apparently also has a new title coming out in October called “The Consolation of Nature: Spring in the Time of Coronavirus.”
Sounds like a must read for a nature-lover like me. And maybe you?
Have a wonderful day, friends.
Love,
Michelle xoxo